Posts Tagged ‘Bullying’

The Bystander Experiment (Video)

December 4, 2013

 

 

I don’t believe in shaming bystanders too afraid to confront an aggressive stranger whilst he is bullying another. While I strongly believe in the duty of a bystander to get involved, I understand that it doesn’t come at no risk.

I think the actors did a brilliant job in ‘setting up’ unsuspecting bystanders to their concocted scenario, but I believe their summary is all wrong. Instead of shaming those who were too afraid to stand up to the bully, highlighting those courageous enough to do so would have made for a far more effective message. One young woman in particular does an awesome job at diffusing a heated situation.

Making headway when it comes to changing bystander habits should be done though promoting positive and courageous actions rather than admonishment those who let fear stand in the way of what is the right thing to do.

For a comprehensive treatment on the power of the bystander for young children, I cannot recommend this film highly enough:

 

Click on the link to read Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

Click on the link to read Charity Pays for Teen’s Plastic Surgery to Help Stop Bullying

Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

November 26, 2013

 

work

As teaching are considered one of the most bullied professions these tips by Regina Paul for the broader workplace are extremely worthwhile:

1. Decide if the job is worth keeping. It may be that it is not worth it to you to stay in such a hostile environment, while the bully or bullies as the case may be set out to destroy you and your career. If it is not worth keeping, then begin seeking another job or give two weeks notice if you have the financial resources to quit before you find another job.

2. No matter what you decide whether to leave or stay, keep a journal of all contacts with the bully or bullies. Write down the dates, and times, and exactly what was said by both you and the tormentor(s). This is both to protect you and your fellow workers. You never know when someone in the future may file a lawsuit against the bully or the company stating hostile work environment, and it may be that your testimony is needed. Having it all down in a journal helps everyone. It also helps if you decide to go to Human Resources and can state dates, times and incidents. Also, copies can be made for your and the abuser’s file as well. That may be all that happens but at least if you leave and someone else is targeted, or you are not the only that has filed a complaint, it lends credence for the future.

3. For the rest of the time you are at the company, don’t respond negatively to the bully. If the bully or bullies continue to target you, respond mildly rather than openly getting upset. The person or group of bullies wants to get a negative reaction from you. If they do then they feel they’ve won by making you lose control, and therefore in their minds they have gained control over you. Don’t give it to him/her or them. This is hard to do, I’m not suggesting that it is not, and you will find that bullies will escalate when you respond mildly. However, if you continue to respond mildly and they are getting more and more out of control or even violent, be prepared for that, it is they who look bad, not you.

4. Another option and again be prepared for a violent reaction to this, is when the bully is finished talking look at him/her/them and ask, “Really, well let’s see what so, and so thinks about that.” Then call over a fellow employee whom you trust and when the employee arrives ask, “So, am to understand that you are saying…….” Make the bully repeat what he has been saying to you in the presence of others. Solicit others whose opinions you trust to hear what the bully is saying. Put the bully on the spot. Again this can be very difficult to do, but doing so gives you back the control which in reality you have in the first place. Bullies want you to believe they are in control, but this is false. You always have free choice no matter what the bully says.

5. If you have been working a lot of overtime, taking on a lot of extra projects and in general doing the work of more than one person, STOP! Go back to your regular eight hour day, refuse extra projects. Only do the work of one person which is what you were hired for. Under the law companies cannot expect employees to do more work than they can handle unless you signed something upon hiring saying that you agreed to a lot of overtime and that they could work you like a dog. In most cases this isn’t the case, you may have agreed to occasional overtime such as during tax season for example if you work for a company that prepares taxes, but rarely does anyone sign something giving up a lot of their free time for overtime. So, stop doing overtime, and stop taking on extra projects. There is nothing wrong with saying no. Employees are often afraid to say no, particularly in the case of a bully because bullies like to use the threat of demotion, or job loss to force you to do what they want. In reality you have rights as an employee and one of them is not to be overworked. While most companies make you sign a paper stating they can let you go without reason, the longer you are at a company the harder it is for them to be able to do that. For one thing when you apply for unemployment if the unemployment office doesn’t think your being let go was for a valid reason, they can actually force the company to hire you back.

6. Take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Bullies want to drag you down, make you so tired and stressed out that you cannot function properly because it makes them feel powerful and in control. So, get 8 hours of sleep a night, eat healthy foods, exercise, and do things you enjoy. I always suggest to those who ask me what they can do to maintain their mental health during a stressful job situation to take a Yoga class, or rent a video and start practicing Yoga. Yoga reduces stress and teaches you how to breath so that you are less stressed. It worked wonders for me when I was in a similar situation.

The important thing to keep in mind is that bullies are about control, so don’t give yours up to them. Whatever you decide, to leave or to stick it out, keep in mind that you are in control of your destiny, not the bully.

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

Click on the link to read Charity Pays for Teen’s Plastic Surgery to Help Stop Bullying

Click on the link to read Most People Think This Woman is Fat

12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

November 4, 2013

 

 

bullies

Changing schools used to be a rarity when we were students. Nowadays it seems it has become not only extremely common, but in many cases a survival technique:

Thousands of parents are taking their children out of schools because of severe bullying, a Mail on Sunday investigation has found.

More than 2,000 parents who applied to transfer their children to new schools in just 28 local authority areas in the last school year gave bullying as the reason. The figures would rise to 12,000 if extrapolated across the UK.

The findings have dismayed school heads and campaigners. Charities blame 40 per cent of suicides among 11 to 14-year-olds on bullying.

The new figures were compiled from freedom of information requests to 150 local authorities for a breakdown of the reasons parents gave on ‘in year application forms’ for wanting to move their child during the school year.

While most councils said they did  not keep this information, 28 revealed that 2,300 parents said they were changing schools because of bullying.

North East Lincolnshire said 173 applications out of 2,217 cited bullying, while in Essex it was 444 out  of 12,695 and in Nottingham 131 out  of 3,424.

If this were replicated across the country, about 12,000 parents applied to move their children for that reason during the past school year.

 

Schools must work on bully proofing their environment as quickly as possible. Instead of waiting for the problem to arise they must offer an environment that acts as a disincentive for negative behaviours. They must offer alternatives to bullying by teaching good communication skills, anger management methods, problem solving tips and ensuring that its teachers are eager to help their students sort through problems that may arise.

The following series of films is sure to help achieve these goals.

10 Essential Facts About Cyberbullying for Parents

October 24, 2013

bully

Courtesy of Caroline Knorr:

Q. What is cyberbullying?

A. Cyberbullying is using digital communications (like the Internet and cell phones) to make another person feel angry, sad or scared, usually again and again.

Many experts agree that intent and context are important, too. If the behavior was intentional, that’s clearly cyberbullying and there should be consequences. But if a kid inadvertently hurts another kid, then he or she may just need to learn better online behavior.

Either way, if your kid feels bad as a result of someone else’s online actions, then they may have been targeted and you should take it seriously. Kids’ conversations can be rowdy and rude. But if they’re not deliberately (and repeatedly) designed to inflict cruelty, and no one feels wronged, then chalk it up to juvenile antics. But keep an eye on it.
Q. How is cyberbullying different from bullying?

A. All bullying is extremely hurtful to the target and can make kids feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, helpless, sad and angry. But cyberbullying is a particular form of bullying that often spreads faster and further to more people and can occur at any time of day or night.

Online messages can be more confusing or scarier than in-person communication because there are no face-to-face cues to help you understand people’s intentions. Helping kids recognize bullying will help them learn to better deal with it.

  • Kids may use more hurtful and extreme language online than offline. It’s not uncommon for cyberbullies to say things like “I wish you would die,” “You’re ugly,” and “Everybody hates you.” If a kid said these things out loud in public, a teacher, a parent or even another kid would probably overhear and intervene.
  • Cyberbullying can happen anytime, whereas regular bullying generally stops when kids go home. Your kid could get a text, an email or see a post — or posts — on Facebook at any moment.
  • Cyberbullying can be very public. Posts can spread rapidly to a large, invisible audience because of the nature of how information travels online.
  • Cyberbullies sometimes act anonymously, whereas, with traditional bullying, it’s often clear who the bully is. Anonymity is a cloak that bullies hide behind. Not only does it encourage the bully to be more brazen, it makes him or her hard to trace.
  • In-person bullying can cause both physical and emotional harm. Cyberbullying causes “only” emotional harm (though it can lead to physical bullying, as well).

Q. What are some examples of cyberbullying?

A. Usually, cyberbullying is characterized by repeated cruelty. Whether this was a thoughtless, one-time prank or a more deliberate act of cruelty, it sounds as if your kid was humiliated over and over as every kid saw the picture. That’s what matters most. Hopefully, the kids’ parents were notified and your kid recovered.

Here are some other examples of behavior that could cross the line into cyberbullying:

  • Sending a mean email or IM to someone
  • Posting mean things about someone on a website
  • Making fun of someone in an online chat
  • Doing mean things to someone’s character in an online world
  • Creating a hostile environment in an online world or game
  • Impersonating someone online — including creating a fake online profile
  • Repeatedly texting someone to the point of harassment
  • Directly threatening or intimidating someone online or in a text
  • Starting rumors or spreading gossip online
  • Stealing someone’s password and logging into someone else’s account
  • Taking a photo or video and sharing it without the subject’s consent, knowing it might be embarrassing

Q. How do you have the conversation with another parent about their kid’s bullying?

A. If your kid is bullied by someone he or she knows, you should probably talk it over — face-to-face — with the kid’s parents. These steps can help you achieve a cooperative conflict resolution that will get everyone working together.

  • Schedule a meeting. While your impulse may be to confront the kid’s parents immediately, it’s better to set a time to meet and discuss the situation in a civilized manner.
  • Explain that you’re there for your kid. Say that your kid reported the incident and you wanted to follow up. That takes the heat off of the parents and allows you both to discuss your kids’ actions.
  • State your goal. Yes, you’re angry and hurt, but your goal should go beyond blaming. You want to end the bullying and have your kids stop engaging in destructive behavior.
  • Let the other parent talk. Hear them out; they may have information that you don’t know.
  • Bring the evidence. Show printouts or the devices on which the bullying occurred.
  • Work together. As much as possible, try to enlist the other parent so you can work as a united front.
  • Talk about next steps.Create a plan for how to proceed as well as a check-in schedule so you can see how things are progressing. Depending on whether things calm down or escalate, you may need to bring in a neutral party — a teacher, counselor, even a community leader — to deal with the problem and help you all move forward.

(more…)

The Normalisation of Cyber Bullying

October 21, 2013

 

scalp

Cyberbullying has become a normal practice and it’s all our fault. Parents, teachers and school administrators have completely dropped the ball on this one. Cyberbullying is a significant issue and it requires all its stakeholders to assume responsibility and work together. We must focus on this issue before it gets even worse:

More than half of children and young people in England accept cyber-bullying as a part of everyday life, a new survey has found.

But parents and teachers say they do not feel they are equipped to deal with the growing problem of internet abuse.

Campaigners warned that cyber bullying had become ‘an everyday problem for today’s children’ and demanded better education to tackle the phenomenon.

More than half of children polled – 55 per cent – said cyber-bullying had become a part of life for children and young people, while 60.5 per cent of parents also said it had.

Keeping their children safe online is a major worry for parents, with 49 per cent complaining that the amount of access their child has to the internet leaves them struggling to monitor their behaviour online.

And 51 per cent say this makes them scared for the safety of their child.

However, the poll suggests that many families would struggle to respond if their child did fall victim to internet abuse.

Some 40 per cent of parents said they would not know how to respond if their child fell victim to cyber-bullies or how to set up filters on computers, tablets and mobile phones that could protect their children.

There were growing calls for online safety to be taught in more schools, with 69 per cent of teachers and 40 per cent of young people calling for it to be included in the national curriculum.

Nearly half of teachers – 43 per cent – admitted their school did not currently teach anything about cyber-bullying and online safety and 44 per cent admitted they did not know how to respond to cyber-bullying.

Almost a third – 32.1 per cent – of young people said that teaching schools, parents and children about internet safety would be the biggest step that can be taken to tackle cyber-bullying, yet just a fifth of children felt they were taught enough about it at school.

The major new survey, commissioned by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, underlines the struggle many families face trying to protect their children on the internet.

Click on the link to read The Explosion of Online Bullying

Click on the link to read The Researchers into Cyberbullying Should Review Their Findings

Click on the link to read A Positive Approach to Tackling Cyberbullying

Who is Going to Do Something About Cyberbullying?

October 3, 2013

fb

Cyberbullying continues to grow, even considering the increased public awareness of the problem. This is simply not good enough.

For too long schools have been avoiding the issue, claiming that what is done outside of their gates is not within their domain – Wrong!

Parents have all too often decided to ignore whether or not their children are of age to use social media and whether they are using these sites responsibly – Wrong!

Bystanders, aware of Facebook hate sites have often decided to stay out of a potential conflict and have either opted to sit on their hands or worse, tacitly encourage the bullying – Wrong!

Facebook claim they are working overtime to ensure that cyberbullies are not rampant on their site – Wrong!

When are the stakeholders and custodians of this problem going to take their collective blindfolds off and start fixing this terrible form of bullying?

More than a million young people are subjected to ‘extreme cyberbullying’ every day, according to the largest ever survey into online abuse.

The report found young people are twice as likely to be bullied on Facebook than any other social network.

Experts say cyberbullying can have a ‘catastrophic’ impact on self-esteem and have called for parents and regulators to recognise the seriousness of the issue.

Liam Hackett, founder of national anti-bullying charity, Ditch The Label, which produced the report, said many people assume cyberbullying is not as hurtful as face-to-face abuse.

But he said it can be even more distressing because it is more public.

The survey of 10,000 13 to 22-year-olds found that levels of cyberbullying were much higher than previously reported.

It found that 70 per cent of youngsters had experienced cyberbullying and one in five said it had been ‘extreme’.

Of those surveyed, almost 40 per cent said they were bullied online frequently.

Mr Hackett said: ‘I think there’s a tendency for older people to think that cyberbullying is a lesser form of bullying because there is this idea you can delete a comment or you can block it and it’s gone.

‘But actually, we have seen that content becomes viral very quickly and when comments are put out on a public platform it can be more distressing for the victim because a lot of people are exposed to this content, so it’s incredibly harmful.’

Facebook, Ask.fm and Twitter were found to be the most likely sources of cyberbullying, and 54 per cent of Facebook users reported cyberbullying on the network, the survey said.

Click on the link to read Engaging in Gossiping Isn’t as Pleasurable as it Seems

Click on the link to read The Explosion of Online Bullying

Click on the link to read The Researchers into Cyberbullying Should Review Their Findings

Click on the link to read The Use of Facebook in Cyberbullying Activity

Click on the link to read A Positive Approach to Tackling Cyberbullying

10 Steps Parents Can Take if their Child is Being Bullied

September 17, 2013

wall

Courtesy of education.com:

  1. Make it safe for your child to talk to you. When your child comes to you to talk about a bullying experience, try to avoid having an emotional reaction. It can be scary for a child to hear that a parent is planning to lash out at a peer or parent. Calmly ask questions until you feel you completely understand the situation (Is it bullying, a peer conflict, or a misunderstanding?). Try not to leap into action right away, but instead focus on making sure your child feels taken care of and supported. Without blaming the bully, remind your kid that everyone has a right to feel safe and happy at school, and applaud the courage it took to take a stand and talk to you. Make a commitment to work with both your child and the school administration to resolve the issue.
  2. Teach your child to say “Stop!” or go find an adult. Research shows that most bullies stop aggressive behavior within 10 seconds, when someone (either a victim or a bystander) tells the perpetrator to stop in a strong and powerful voice. You, as the parent, can role-play an assertive response. Demonstrate the differences between aggressive and assertive and passive voices, as well as body language, tone of voice, and words used. If staying “stop” with an assertive voice does not work, teach your child to find an adult right away.
  3. Talk with your child’s principal and classroom teacher about the situation. Make it clear that you are committed to partner with the school in being part of the solution. Also emphasize that your expected outcome is that your child’s ability to feel safe and happy at school is fully restored. Ask the principal to share the school’s bullying policy, and make sure any action plan begins with notifying other teachers, recess aids, hallway monitors, and cafeteria staff so that everyone who comes in contact with your child can be on the lookout and poised to intervene should the bullying be repeated.
  4. Arrange opportunities for your child to socialize with friends outside of school to help build and maintain a strong support system. Try reaching out to neighborhood parents, local community centers with after-school activities, and your spiritual community. The more time your child can practice social skills in a safe environment, the better. Children who have friends are less likely to be bullying victims—and, if your child is bullied, friends can help ease the negative effects.
  5. Don’t go it alone. When supporting a child through a bullying situation, parents often discover previously unnoticed issues that may contribute to the child’s vulnerability. In addition to working with the school to help resolve the immediate issue, parents should also consider reaching out to physical and mental healthcare providers to discuss concerns about diagnosed or undiagnosed learning issues, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.
  6. Encourage your child to stick with a friend (or find someone that can act as a buddy) at recess, lunch, in the hallways, on the bus, or walking home. Kids are more likely to be targeted when they are alone. If your child doesn’t have a friend to connect with, work with the school to help find someone to act as a safety partner.
  7. If cyberbullying is an issue, teach your child to bring it to the attention of an adult, rather than responding to the message. Many children fail to realize that saying mean things about someone on the Internet or through text messaging is a form of bullying. Make sure your child knows that you take cyberbullying seriously, and that you’ll be supportive through the process of handling the situation.
  8. Help your child become more resilient to bullying. There’s a lot parents can do to help “bully proof” their kids. Here are two biggies: first, provide a safe and loving home environment where compassionate and respectful behavior is modeled consistently. Second, acknowledge and help your child to develop strengths, skills, talents or other positive characteristics. Doing so may help your kid be more confident among peers at school.
  9. Provide daily and ongoing support to your child by listening and maintaining ongoing lines of communication. When your child expresses negative emotions about peers, it’s helpful if you acknowledge these feelings and emphasize that it’s normal to feel this way. After actively listening to the recounted bullying incident, discuss the practical strategies in this article together, especially the ones your child thinks will be most helpful.
  10. Follow Up. Even after your child’s bullying situation has been resolved, be sure to stay in touch with your child and the school to avoid a relapse of the issues. Keep the lines of communication open with your child, and learn the signs of bullying so that if another issue arises, you’ll be prepared to get involved early and effectively. Although a last resort, consider moving your child out of the current school or social environment. This may be a necessary action, and it sends the message that your child truly does not have to tolerate such treatment. Once established, social reputations among peers can be very difficult to eliminate. A fresh start in a new school environment may be a viable solution.

 

I would like to add another three steps of my own. Watch and discuss the following films with your child:

 

 

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

Click on the link to read Charity Pays for Teen’s Plastic Surgery to Help Stop Bullying

Click on the link to read Most People Think This Woman is Fat

Click on the link to read It’s Time to Change the Culture of the Classroom

Teachers are Extremely Vulnerable to False Accusations

September 9, 2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXyQrNHwFq0

As serious as it is when a child accuses his/her teacher of inappropriate behaviour, it is essential that the teacher gets the opportunity to respond to the allegations without being judged. Unfortunately, teachers are often subject to false allegations and excessive reactions on the part of the parents:

Simone Baker, 25, confronted her son’s teacher on Thursday about 5.30pm over claims by the boy that she had scratched his neck, KCTV5 reported.

Baker, of Kansas City, grew irate after the teacher told her to schedule a meeting with the principal the following day, according to a Kansas City Police Department report.

She headed to the principal’s office before returning to the classroom where she allegedly hit the teacher in the face five to 10 times as she held the woman’s arm down.

Baker allegedly then grabbed the teacher by her hair and rammed her head against a filing cabinet two times.

“You better not touch my kid again,” Baker allegedly told the teacher, before fleeing the classroom.

The woman was treated at hospital for bruising to her arm and some redness and swelling on her face.

District officials said the six-year-old boy’s father brought his son into Truman Elementary School on Friday and that boy had recanted his story.

The teacher could not be reached for comment but a local school district spokesman said they would be pursuing legal action against Baker.

“The administration did everything they do to keep her calm. They asked her to leave,” the spokesman said.

“We’re very concerned about this measure and we’re doing everything we possibly can to ensure the safety of our staff and the students.”

Baker was issued a municipal citation for inflicting bodily harm and is due in court on October 22.

Click on the link to read Top 10 Ways of Dealing with Teacher Burnout

Click on the link to read Tips For Teachers for Managing Stress

Click on the link to read I Also Had a Student Hold a Toy Gun to my Face

The Commercial Directed at Kids that Promotes Bullying

August 17, 2013

 

Surely JC Penny could have come up with a more positive marketing campaign than this one.

 

Click on the link to read Tips for Parents of Bullied Children

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

Click on the link to read Charity Pays for Teen’s Plastic Surgery to Help Stop Bullying

Click on the link to read Most People Think This Woman is Fat

Click on the link to read It’s Time to Change the Culture of the Classroom

The Explosion of Online Bullying

August 7, 2013

hannah

Some very worrying numbers as a result of possibly the most difficult form of bullying to eliminate:

British children are suffering thanks to an epidemic of online bullying – with the number of calls to ChildLine from victims almost doubling in just one year.

In 2012/13, a total of 4,507 children – around 12 a day – rang the helpline to complain they were being abused by peers on social networking sites.

That is up a startling 87 per cent from the 2,410 calls the year before, with the head of the NSPCC revealing many were ringing in ‘utter panic’ after suffering months of ‘torment’.

Girls are three times more likely to call than boys and, worryingly, one in six calls are received from children aged 11 or younger.

The revelation follows the death of 14-year-old Hannah Smith, who hanged herself on Friday after months of abuse on the internet.

Her father said he had found bullying posts on his daughter’s ask.fm page from people telling her to die.

She had been urged to ‘drink bleach’ by her anonymous tormentors and taunted over her weight, the death of an uncle and an apparent propensity to self-harm.The notorious ask.fm website – described as a ‘stalker’s paradise’ – has been linked to at least four teenage deaths over the past year.

Now an analysis of calls received by ChildLine show that these victims are far from alone – and that cyberbullying is now one of the fastest growing issues young people contract them about.