Archive for the ‘My Favourite Comedian’ Category

Nobody’s a Nobody: An Original Poem

January 20, 2020

nobody

 

NOBODY’S A NOBODY by Michael Grossman

I used to be so popular,

When I was back at school.

The teacher’s used to love me.

The kids thought I was cool.

 

I used to be so pretty,

And very good at sport.

Used to think I was quite special,

Or at least that’s what I thought.

 

I used to hang with cool girls

Who knew the latest trends.

Everyone looked up to us,

And wanted to be friends.

 

So many kids we just ignored

I regret it in a way,

They may have seemed like nerds back then,

But look at them today.

 

I remember this one girl,

Big Stella Green

With these ugly, awkward glasses

And a huge nose in between.

 

We used to tease and tease her,

Before and after school.

Once old Tommy McNoughton

Shoved her in the abandoned pool.

 

If only he would have known

That later, in a time of strife,

Stella Green would operate on his fiance,

And all but save her life.

 

What about Kayoko Kishimoto?

Our only Japanese student.

She was brilliant at science,

But at English – not so fluent.

 

We would never come and talk to her.

No one would even try.

They just left her all alone,

Supposing she was shy.

 

Did she end up learning English?

Well, what can you say

About the winner of an Oscar,

For Best Original Screenplay.

 

There was Dante Ferretti,

Who was the ‘school geek’,

With his great boofy hair,

And pimples for each cheek.

 

So tired of getting abused

And so embarrassed with his looks,

He used to hide his spotty face,

Inside a range of different books.

 

Who would have thought

That this reserved, avid reader,

Would go on to become

Our new State Opposition Leader?

 

Everyone used to fear

Max Stockwell “The Freak”.

Rumour had it he ate live snails,

And showered once a week.

 

The girls thought he was mad,

The boys thought he was weird.

He’d come walking through a corridor,

And the corridor all but cleared.

 

I hear he’s no longer weird,

And no longer is he ‘mad’;

Instead, he’s changing nappies

As a loving, stay-home dad.

 

I was never better than them.

I used to be so lame.

If I only understood,

That we are all the same.

 

I used to be “cool”,

But never was I happy,

Until the day I realised

NOBODY’S A NOBODY.

 

 

Special Announcement:

I am donating 100% of the royalties of my hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian, during the month of January to those affected by the devastating bushfires in my country, Australia. This book is perfect for children aged 9 to 14 and the ideal class novel for Upper Primary students. Please leave a comment to indicate your purchase. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

 

Why I Am Giving Away 100% of My Book Royalties

January 8, 2020

The devastation of the bushfires in my country has been so tragic. Human and animal lives have been lost as well as homes and pristine bushland.

It is incumbent on me to do my bit. That is why I pledge to give away all of the royalties of my book to the Bushfire Appeal during the month of January.

Every cent of profit will go back to the people who need it more than I do.

The added bonus is that the book itself can bring a sense of joy and optimism at a time of great international insecurity. This book will hopefully provide children and their parents a welcome distraction from events such as the bushfires and Iranian conflict.

Leave a comment below to let me know you have purchased the book so I can start donating straight away.

Please support the bushfires. Every dollar counts.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. Perfect for children aged 9 to 14 and the ideal class novel for Upper Primary students. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Treading the Fine Line of Comedy

January 6, 2020

 

Ricky Gervais is the talk of the town. Many loved his pointed barbs at Hollywood whilst others thought he came off as a mean-spirited jerk.

I guess that’s comedy for you.

Comedy is meant to be provocative and at its best can lead you to places where angels fear to tread.

This is the conundrum that I was faced with in writing “My Favourite Comedian”, a children’s book that focuses on comedy’s ability to help alleviate difficult challenges and relate to hard truths.

My book deals with themes such as body image, isolation, divorce and societal pressures and yet has laughs all the way through. The message being, that by seeing the funny side of difficult events in your life, you are able to manage them better.

Of course, the humour in my book is far less abrasive than Gervais’ style of stand-up but no less passionate.

I feel that children respond to this book because it isn’t afraid, to tell the truth, and comedy is my truth-telling device.

Here’s to truth and comedy!

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

My Latest Book Interview

December 29, 2019

 

It has been a great thrill for me to publish my debut novel. Below is the transcript of my latest interview.

 

What is your e-reading device of choice?
The Kindle is now waterproof, which is perfect for me as I love to read in the shower. I hope the next edition is shampoo and conditioner proof.
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
I have found that not taking no for an answer has been the best strategy. That tactic worked to finally persuade my wife to read the book.
Describe your desk
My desk happens to look a lot like a kitchen table. In fact, it is a kitchen table. Used cereal boxes make for great mouse pads.
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
I grew up in Melbourne, Australia which is a lot like Melbourne, Florida aside from the beautiful climate and great beaches. Australians are fun-loving and easy-going people. I’m surprised they haven’t deported me yet.
When did you first start writing?
I once wrote a letter of appeal for a traffic violation. I wrote a very convincing letter. I knew then that I could make it as a struggling writer.
What’s the story behind your latest book?
This book was never supposed to be written. What started as a summer project that was abandoned after just two chapters slowly turned into a completed work. And the credit goes entirely to my students.
Back in 2002, whilst I was a mere student teacher, I noticed that kids weren’t utilising their quiet reading time very well. In fact, they were staring off into space. I decided to print off the two chapters as a means to provide the students with another reading option. Not only were they suddenly engaged in what they were reading, but they brought it home to their parents. I was getting messages from parents requesting the next chapter. And this started my journey towards completing the novel. This certainly wouldn’t have happened were it not for the support and encouragement of my wonderful students over the many years!
What motivated you to become an indie author?
It is the perfect career move for me at the moment as I transition to my ultimate dream job – telemarketer!
What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
Sharing your story and the characters you love with the world. That, and getting off parking fines.
What do your fans mean to you?
My uncle means the world to me.
What are you working on next?
I am working on two titles:
The A-Z Guide to the Alphabet; and
Mannequins for Dummies
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
A nice, warm Kindle shower.
When you’re not writing, how do you spend your time?
I am a social justice warrior. The other day I protested against cuts to the police force by handcuffing myself to a policeman.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
I use the same method of discovery as Christopher Columbus – Google.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
I was 4 years old and got myself in heaps of trouble. Permanent marker is hard to get off wallpaper.
What is your writing process?
Sit at the kitchen table. Turn on the computer. Brainstorm. Give up and watch a YouTube cat video. Reward myself with chocolate.
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
War and Peace. It totally changed my life. I loaned a copy to Kim Jong Un, but as of yet, he’s only read the first half.
How do you approach cover design?
I get someone else to do it. I can’t even make my stick figures symmetrical.
What are your five favorite books, and why?

How to Win Friends and Influence People – How I got my wife to read my book

The Art of the Deal – Pure comedy. One of the funniest books ever written.

The Achievements of Kim Kardashian – Available in pamphlet form

The Mueller Report – I once had insomnia. No more.

Grease – Not the movie, just a Jewish cookbook.

What do you read for pleasure?
The television guide.
What was your greatest achievement?
I once got the lead part in my school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to perform it. I got injured during rehearsals. I fell off the roof.
spotlight
Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Kids are Not Reading: What are We going to Do About It?

November 28, 2019

 

A recent national report card finds reading proficiency for American fourth-grade and eighth-grade students are declining. So what do we do about it?

It’s not like this problem is new. Harry Potter comes out and many want to believe it will become a gateway drug that leads to bookworms everywhere. Of course, that was never going to be the case.

Some throw their hands up in the air and point to the destructive nature of gaming and the internet. Yes, it’s true that screens have made reading an even lesser priority for kids. But ebooks, books read on screens, is an exciting innovation that could encourage tech-savvy kids to give reading a go.

Personally, I think it’s up to teachers and parents to show kids the pleasures of reading. I think it’s destructive, especially in the early grades to have teachers who don’t like reading. parents of young kids who aren’t readers should consider the benefits of taking up reading if only to set a good example. I know you are busy, but trust me, it will reap rewards for you and your kids.

My students often site my own book, which I have been sharing with them during the writing, drafting and editing stages as a key reason for their enjoyment in reading. To be a part of the creation of a living. breathing novel was a thrill for them. Now they are invested in seeing to it that the book is successful beyond their classroom.

There’s nothing like a good example.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Free e-Book For My Fellow Teachers

November 21, 2019

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Michael Grossman, and I am a dedicated teacher and author.

My years of teaching has helped me to gain expertise in helping raise children’s self-esteem as well as experience in other issues discussed in my book such as body image, childhood depression and dealing with adversity.

I aim to get kids to read. And not just any book (sorry Where’s Wally), but a book with relatable characters that starts meaningful conversations and leads to greater self-reflection.

And there’s not enough humour in the world. Our kids should be laughing constantly! There’s nothing better than good quality comedy!

I have decided to make the e-book version of my novel free of charge for a short time, specifically to allow teachers to read it and consider using it as a class novel. I have been using it as a 5th Grade literacy tool for the past few years and I am therefore confident teachers will love sharing this book with their students.

Follow this link to download your own book free of charge!

All feedback is much appreciated!

The Science of Choosing the Right Classroom Novel

November 18, 2019

 

Is there any challenge greater for a classroom literacy teacher than choosing a classroom novel?

Especially in today’s times when kids are turning off reading in preference for everything but.

Some of your students need a book that will stimulate them and others need a book that will not go over their head. Some require a page-turning thriller, others need a toilet humour laden comedy.

If you go straight to the bestsellers or award winners you are confronted with another issue. Those books have all been made into big studio Hollywood movies. This doesn’t faze some teachers. They like the fact they can use up a few lessons up watching the film after completing the book. I hate it. There is nothing worse than introducing a book that some kids have read and an overwhelming majority know it based on the movie’s inferior depiction of the story and central themes.

When I sat down to write my forthcoming debut novel, My Favourite Comedian, I was very mindful about the need to provide something for all types of readers.

I will be making the ebook version of the book free for teachers for a period after I launch it. Hopefully, it makes the overwhelming task of choosing a class novel a little bit easier.

I am a Teacher and a Hypocrite

November 7, 2019

 

I have been reading my unpublished novel to my classes for the last 18 years. First as an unfinished manuscript, and later as a finished story.

I would always get the same question from my students – “When are you going to publish?”

I always dismissed the question. I told them that my chances of getting published were slim because first-time writers without a literary agent hardly ever get accepted by publishers.

In other words, I was making excuses.

Deep down I knew the real reason was fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of having your blood, sweat and tears in the public domain.

But earlier this year I had a reawakening. What a hypocrite am I! Here I am, day in and day out, lecturing the students about trying their best and following their dreams and I refuse to abide by my own tenets.

So I decided to get my book published. The best thing I have ever done!

In two weeks time, I will be in a position to officially share my hard work of almost two decades.

Finally, I can look at my students in the eye and tell them to overcome their fears without feeling like a hypocrite and a fraud.

 

Update: Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

My Novel: 18 Years in the Making

November 6, 2019

 

After 18 painstaking years of drafts and edits, the launch of my young adult book, My Favourite Comedian, is only two weeks away!

This book is a labour of love for me, geared for my wonderful students, as I try to show them the immense power of good literature.

It is through them and their ongoing championing of the book that I have bitten the bullet and sought publication. They are the main reason I have made this available to the wider public.

Thank you for all the subscribers and visitors to this blog. I appreciate your patience during my hiatus. It’s good to be back.

I will be contributing regularly as I provide updates about my book as well as making commentary on all things education.

Stay tuned!


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