Posts Tagged ‘Bullying’

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African Children Bullied at School Because of Ebola

October 28, 2014

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Please do not excuse these actions as just a case of “kids being kids”. Calling African born students “Ebola” and taunting them in the way this family seems to have been taunted is nothing short of appalling.  How a school can go about its operations blissfully unaware that such a problem exists in its hallways baffles me.

 

A Bronx man says he brought his two sons to America from Senegal so they could get a good education — but their classmates doled out brutal lessons in bullying and fear-mongering, shouting at the brothers, “Go back home” to Africa amid beatings and chants of “Ebola.”

Amadou and Pape Drame were attacked Friday at IS 318 in Tremont, punched in the face and relentlessly bullied, their father said Monday.

“My name is not Ebola, it’s Amadou,” the younger brother told his tormentors before he was attacked, said dad Ousmane Drame, who urged school officials to do something.

“They call me from the school, tell me come, they’re beating your children,” said Drame, a cab driver who is raising the two kids on his own.​ “​I rush, go there, and my children were very hurt. Amadou was crying, laying on the floor, more than 10 children on top of him, beating him.”

Amadou, 11, and Pape, 13, stood silently by their father’s side on Monday as he, community leaders and elected officials urged parents to talk with their kids about tolerance.

Drame, 62, who has lived in New York for 25 years, said this was not the lesson he had in mind when he brought his sons to America for the opportunity of a better education.

“If they go to the gym, they say​,​ ‘​O​h​,​ you don’t play. Don’t touch the ball,’ ” Drame said. “ ‘You have Ebola. Sit down there.’ For two days, they don’t touch nobody, they just sit down.

“It’s not just them. All the African children suffer this. I spent seven years in college. I went to school all my life. They’re born in a teacher’s family. They have to go to school.”

The shaken father said he met with the school’s principal Monday.

He also reached out to the African Advisory Council of The Bronx, which is pressing the school district for a solution.

“On Friday, while the younger one was in the gym, he was assaulted,” said Charles Cooper, president of the council. “They came to him calling​,​ ‘Ebola, Ebola, get out of here,’ punched him several times all over.

“During lunch, they were outside in the yard, which is supposed to be a safe place . . . The kids were yelling, ‘Ebola​​ Ebola get out of here,’ and they rushed him, threw him on the ground, kicked him, punched him. He was screaming. His brother heard him screaming from across the yard, so his brother ran to him.

“The other kids jumped on him also and started beating on him as well. The school tried to say it was a fight,” Cooper said, “We made it very clear to them. This was not a fight. This is assault. This is bullying.”

​The Department of Education ​did not immediately comment.

Senegal is one of several West African countries where Ebola cases have been reported, but there have been no new cases in that country since late August, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Amadou has since told his father he wants to go home to Senegal, where their mother lives.

That, Drame said, is not an option.

 

Click on the link to read Another Vicious Schoolyard Fight Video Emerges

Click on the link to read Bullying from a Teenager’s Perspective

Click on the link to read Girl Gets taped and tied to tree and ‘sexually assaulted’: Where Were the Teachers?
Click on the link to read Start Being Proactive When it Comes to Bullying
Click on the link to read The Real “Mean Girls”

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Another Vicious Schoolyard Fight Video Emerges

October 27, 2014

 

When will these awful incidents be a thing of the past? When will the bystanders stop inflaming situations and instead work to actively prevent further damage from occurring?

 

Police are investigating a vicious assault on a 13-year-old girl, who was bashed by a classmate in front of a cheering crowd in Sydney’s south-west.

The brutal attack was filmed by a Year 12 student, revealing the horrific ordeal which saw Jaimee-Lee Morecroft kicked, punched and dragged her by her hair by a fellow Year 8 student.

Eagle Vale High School student Jaimee-Lee can be heard pleading with the attacker as she protects her head, insisting: ‘I never said anything about your brother.’

In the lead up to the attack, Nine News reports Jaimee-Lee was receiving threatening messages on social media.

Her family are distressed about the assault and want charges to be laid against the teenager responsible.

‘She could have been killed,’ Jaimee-Lee’s grandmother Shirley Williams told Nine News.

NSW Police confirm they are looking into the incident.

‘Macquarie Fields command have seen the video depicting an alleged assault at Claymore,’ NSW Police told Daily Mail Australia.

‘Police have launched an investigation but no arrests or charges have been laid.’ 

Click on the link to read Bullying from a Teenager’s Perspective

Click on the link to read The Real “Mean Girls”

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Bullying from a Teenager’s Perspective

August 6, 2014

bullying

Courtesy of clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg:

 

Hello Parents,

Your teens are getting ready to head back to high school and some of them are just beginning as freshmen. All summer long, I have been working with focus groups of teens and they have been talking to me and to each other and have been quite candid about their thoughts about bullying. They have shared their most intimate experiences, their concerns and their very creative ideas about how to deal with bullies.

This is what your kids want you to know about the bullying experience, but might never tell you. You see, they don’t want to upset you, disappoint you, worry you and are even concerned that you might not be interested. They are wrong. I know that but they don’t. Here is what they are not telling you:

1. The majority of your teens report that while they may not have been bullied, they have witnessed a peer being bullied.

2. They have not always been sure how to intervene at these times, but they have ideas.

3. They frequently and in large numbers report that an adult should be told about bullying incidents, but feel that even when they tell adults the adults are NOT likely to intervene effectively. They report that adults look the other way, don’t take bullying seriously enough and even give meaningless consequences to the bully.

4. By and large, the well-spoken and passionate teens feel that the adults are letting them down in this arena. YIKES. I know that no adult in a position to help teens wants to be seen as ineffective and dismissive.

5. Your kids have some very creative ideas about how to handle bullies including:

a. attempting to befriend them in the hope that a bully can become an ally.

b. making the bully laugh so that the bully learns a different style of interacting.

c. letting the bully know the impact that they are having on others. Many teens feel that bullies are clueless about their painful impact on others.

d. asking them about their lives. Many teens feel that bullies are probably hurting. It’s amazing isn’t it that teens feel empathy for bullies?

AND

e. they have even expressed that you raise your kids to have empathy so that they are less likely to act in a socially aggressive and emotionally painful manner. These large groups of male and female teens have been telling me all summer long that they are concerned that some parents may inadvertently be raising bullies.

Your teens would also like you to know that:

1. They see many parents acting as bullying role models for their kids. They worry that you may be encouraging exclusivity, cliquey behavior and even physical aggression. Teens are and always have been watching the adults around them.

2. They think that adults should curtail gossiping because kids mimic them and gossiping is one of the worst and most hurtful forms of social bullying. They are on to something here; aren’t they?

3. They worry that you are bullying your kids in the privacy of your homes and that your kids are going to school upset, frustrated and looking for a place in which to practice what they have learned at home.

AND

4. They are concerned that you might not even have given consideration to the idea that your own kid may be the bully. They think that you should consider this idea and work with your teen to be a kinder and more empathic individual.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that teens all blame the adults in their lives for the bullying behaviors of teens. Many teens reported learning empathic and pro-social behaviors from their parents. Amen to the child-rearing style in those homes. We need more of that. We need parents to realize that you are your teens’ most important role models. I have been saying this for years. Take this important opportunity in your life to teach your kids that their words and behaviors can either soothe and comfort or destroy the hearts and souls of their peers. Do not ever rule out the thought that your own child may be the bully at times and if you suspect this then work with your child to change this behavior.

We all remember own experiences being both the bullies and the bullied. None of us flourished from these experiences. In fact, many of us became emotionally and physically sick during these times. Your kids and I are calling upon you to be aware of your role and power in helping to both raise good kids and to become even more aware of the terrible interactional cycle of bullying that continues to persist in high schools all over.

Good luck.

Own your power.

Help your kids.

XO

Dr. BG

 

Click on the link to read Girl Gets taped and tied to tree and ‘sexually assaulted’: Where Were the Teachers?

Click on the link to read Start Being Proactive When it Comes to Bullying
Click on the link to read The Real “Mean Girls”

Click on the link to read Anti-Bullying Song Goes Viral

Click on the link to read Some Schools Just Don’t Get it When it Comes to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

 

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Girl Gets taped and tied to tree and ‘sexually assaulted’: Where Were the Teachers?

July 27, 2014

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I am not privy to the reasons why no teacher spotted an incident which one would think is fairly easy to pick up, but even if there was a valid reason for not identifying it, one has to wonder about general standards in yard duty. I find it ironic that by law teachers have to wear a fluro vest to stand out among the students at recess. Perhaps the problem isn’t of students finding the teacher but vice versa.

I hope this awful story doesn’t just highlight the bullying problems our schools confront but also the importance of proper supervision during recess:

 

A STUDENT at a metropolitan high school was taped to a tree, bound with a garden hose and allegedly repeatedly sexually assaulted in an incident recorded and posted on social media.

The Year 9 girl was filmed, allegedly distressed and screaming, while a gang of eight boys humiliated her during a recess break, just metres from the western suburb school’s staffroom.

The incident, in which the boys allegedly rubbed their buttocks and genitalia against the girl, is now the subject of SA Police and Education Department investigations.

The gang, meanwhile, has continued to harass its victim as recently as this week.

Her mother, who declined to be named, said her daughter was a “confident, happy child” when she began her studies at the school in 2010.

In mid-2011, she “became withdrawn”, performed poorly in class and received “particularly nasty” messages on social media.

For three years, the mother sought help from teachers and counsellors with no change in her daughter’s “extreme stress, anxiety and depression”.

In April, the girl told a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service worker and her mother she was being bullied by a girl and a gang of eight boys, culminating in the recorded incident.

“(The girl) taped my daughter to a tree out the front of the school and staffroom where most students gathered at recess and lunch,” the mother said.

“My daughter noticed a gang of boys approaching … she began to ask (the girl) to let her free … as the boys drew closer they grabbed the hose and sprinkler.

“By this stage my daughter was screaming and begging (the girl) to untie her; however, the girl chose to laugh at her and do nothing.”

The woman said the gang of boys wrapped her daughter in the hose and, while filming her with mobile phones, “dropped their pants and rubbed” their buttocks and genitalia on her.

“She said she felt so humiliated and so frightened … everyone around her stood there and did nothing or were laughing in the distance,” she said.

The woman has spoken out about the incident for the first time after she was prompted to come forward by the historic first-ever prosecution of a teen under the state’s new “humiliating and degrading” filming laws.

The laws, introduced last year, carry a maximum one-year jail term for anyone who subjects another person to a degrading act, or one that would violate their privacy.

 

Click on the link to read Start Being Proactive When it Comes to Bullying
Click on the link to read The Real “Mean Girls”

Click on the link to read Anti-Bullying Song Goes Viral

Click on the link to read Some Schools Just Don’t Get it When it Comes to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

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Start Being Proactive When it Comes to Bullying

July 23, 2014

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You can understand why parents gloss over their children’s bullying issues. Our generation, and the ones before, had to deal with bullying in the most unpleasant of ways. We were instructed not to tell on the bully, but rather to stand up for ourselves or ignore them. Parents need to have the message reinforced that we know better now, and therefore should take these instances more seriously.

But what excuse do teachers and school administrators have? Remember, these are the same schools that are happy to parade their glossy brochures with lines like, “we offer a safe environment in which your child can thrive.”

They have no choice but to take an active role in ensuring that bullying doesn’t go unnoticed.

But many don’t.

There is a misconception among the wider community that nowadays schools are extremely proactive when it comes to bullying. Some are (I know mine is), but most are unfortunately extremely reactive. You see, the biggest concern for schools is not that they have cases of bullying within their grounds, but that they could potentially be sued for it.

That is why the methodology for many schools concerning this issue is to have a anti-bullying policy in place. This policy usually contains a pretty standard set of procedures a school must undertake when a case of bullying has been presented to them. As long as they follow the steps – no lawsuit.

But just wait a minute, I hear you asking. What is the motivation for a school to uncover bullying that hasn’t been reported to them?

And this is where we get to the crux of the problem.

Parents are not confronting the school and neither are students. School employees are happy to play the “as long as I don’t know about it, it must not exist” game, and thus, bullying continues to be rampant. Even when teachers do notice a possible bullying incident, they often find ways to dismiss it as a natural conflict rather than a case of bullying.

So I am not in the least bit surprised when I read articles like this one?:

 

If the thought of your child being bullied at school breaks your heart, then consider this – you might not even notice.

Analysis of a study of more than 4000 children has found parents and teachers often do not realise children are being bullied.

For more than half of the children who said they had been bullied, their parents were either not aware or did not consider the actions were bullying, research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies shows.

And the vast majority of teachers – four out of five – did not report the child had been a victim of bullying, suggesting they need more training on how to respond.

One in three 10-year-olds said they had been bullied in Australian schools, the research found.

Being bullied at a young age was a sad precursor of things to come, with one in seven children persistently bullied or picked on throughout their entire school life.

“One of the obstacles to adults understanding is that parents and teachers dismiss teasing or name calling or put downs as normal or harmless,’’ researcher Jodie Lodge said.

“Bullying is not a normal behaviour, it’s not just part of growing up, it is a serious concern.”

When children do talk to their parents about it they need to be listened to, otherwise they start to doubt their own feelings and views, Dr Lodge said.

I suggest parents and teachers share this film with their kids. It is the best resource around at defining bullying, offering advice on how to deal with common incidents and suggest when students should handle issues on their own and when it is best to get the teacher involved.
Click on the link to read The Real “Mean Girls”

Click on the link to read Anti-Bullying Song Goes Viral

Click on the link to read Some Schools Just Don’t Get it When it Comes to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

Click on the link to read Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

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The Real “Mean Girls”

July 3, 2014

 

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It is of no surprise that the 2004 Hollywood movie, Mean Girls, went on to become a major hit. It clearly struck a raw nerve with teens and adults alike. Ask any female adult whether mean girls haunted their school corridors and infiltrated their classrooms and cafeterias, the answer will invariably be, “Unfortunately, yes.”

The problem with the movie, in real terms, is that it offered stereotypical characters and no solutions. For a film that so many could relate to, it was disappointing that it had precious little of substance. Good for a laugh and perceptive at times, but not much an impressionable child could take from it. It is of no coincidence that a student in my school followed the lead of the villain rather than the heroine and compiled a “Burn Book” (a notebook filled with rumors, secrets, and gossip about the other girls and some teachers), just like the one featured in the film.

Enter Mike Feurstein!

For those of you who don’t know, I have been a huge advocate of Mike’s from his first groundbreaking anti-bullying film, How to UnMake a Bully, onwards. He has since made 5 other anti-bullying movies, making him one of, if not the most, prominent figure in this genre. His films are able to expertly get to the heart of everyday social and emotional challenges met by a great many children, and quite brilliantly assist in providing advise and sound methodology without coming across preachy or tacky.

I have since been able to work with him personally, and have seen how he bases his narrative on the experiences of his cast and involves them in all aspects of the film making process such as  lighting and sound.

In this, the 6th entry into the UnMake series, he gets to the heart of the Mean Girls experience and offers a great platform for its young viewers to reflect on their attitudes and behaviours as well as motivating them to consider a positive approach to dealing with this issue. It’s comparisons of the erosion of friendships to that of the earth is a masterstroke!

I recommend this film strongly to teachers and parents:

 

Click on the link to read Anti-Bullying Song Goes Viral

Click on the link to read Some Schools Just Don’t Get it When it Comes to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

Click on the link to read Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

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Some Schools Just Don’t Get it When it Comes to Bullying

April 20, 2014

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When I see a school disseminate the message that bullying should be left unreported, I feel sorry for people like my friend, Mike Feurstein, who has invested so much of his professional life to inspire kids to do the complete opposite.

 

A Nebraska school principal has apologized for sending fifth-grade students home with a flier that advises those who are bullied to not tattle on their tormentors.

Some parents of the fifth-graders at Zeman Elementary in Lincoln complained and posted angry comments on Facebook, the Lincoln Journal Star (http://bit.ly/1j6Abov ) reported Thursday.

Zeman principal Donna Williams apologized directly to the families on Wednesday for the wording of the flier, and the district posted the apology on its Facebook page.

“The flier was sent home with good intentions,” said Williams. “Unfortunately it contained advice that did not accurately reflect LPS best practices regarding response to bullying incidents.”

District student services director Russ Uhing said the LPS philosophy is: Ask the bully to stop. Walk away. If the bullying continues, tell a parent or teacher.

On the contrary, the flier advises that students should not tell on bullies because the No. 1 reason “bullies hate their victims is because the victims tell on them.

“Telling makes the bully want to retaliate,” it says. “Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime (theft of something valuable) has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?”

 

I will gladly combat Zeman Elementary’s pathetic advice with two example that will achieve a much better outcome:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyukkOiayt4

 

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

Click on the link to read Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

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Posted in Bullying | 2 Comments »

Brilliant New Advertisement on Schoolyard Bullying

April 17, 2014

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyukkOiayt4

 

 

An absolute masterpiece!

 

Click on the link to read The Bystander Experiment (Video)

Click on the link to read Tips for Managing Workplace Bullying

Click on the link to read 12,000 Students a Year Change Schools Due to Bullying

Click on the link to read The Devastating Effects of Bullying (Video)

Click on the link to read Sickening Video of Girl Being Bullied for Having Ginger Hair

Click on the link to read Our Young Children Shouldn’t Even Know What a Diet Is?

 

 

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Posted in Bullying | 3 Comments »

Tips for Calming Anxious Kids

December 12, 2013

 

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Courtesy of psychologist Daniel B. Peters, Ph.D:

Step 1: Teach How Our Brain and Body Work When We Are Scared

We all have a “fight or flight” survival response that is designed to keep us alive. We have a tiny ball of neurons called the amygdala (ah-mig-da-la), known as our fear center, that runs our in-body security system. When it senses danger, it sends adrenaline through our bodies to make us run fast and fight with one goal, survival!

Step 2: Identify Body Feelings

When your amygdala gets activated, you will feel the physical sensations of worry and fear in your body, especially your head, chest, stomach, and throat. This is because your heart has to beat super fast to get extra blood from your brain and stomach to your arms and legs so you can fight and run fast. The blood leaving our brain and stomach makes us feel light headed, have headaches, have stomachaches, butterflies, and make us nauseous. These feelings are our signal that the Worry Monster is messing with us! Any of them sound familiar?

Step 3: Externalize the Problem

Label your worries and fears as the “Worry Monster” who is a bully who is responsible for making you (and all of us) think worrisome and scary thoughts. The Worry Monster’s job is to keep us from enjoying life. He gets joy from picking on children (and adults) and making them worried and scared. The more you talk about the Worry Monster and gang up on him with your allies, the weaker he will get and the sooner he will go away.

Step 4: Make a Worry List

Make a list of everything your child (and you) worries about. The Worry Monster doesn’t like us to talk about him or how he works, so the more things you put on the list, the better. Once you have done this, put the worries and fears in order starting with the most powerful (severe) at the top and least powerful (mild) at the bottom of the list.

Step 5: Make a Success Ladder

Choose a behavior from the worry list and make a success ladder by breaking it down into baby steps, or rungs, with the ultimate fear or goal at the top of the ladder and the least scary behavior at the bottom. You will need to decide whether you can start with a single fear like swimming or whether the task needs to be broken into parts (looking at a pool) so that you can gain confidence by becoming used to each baby step along the way to conquering your fear.

Step 6: Identify Worrisome and Fearful Thinking

Think about what the Worry Monster tells you to make you feel worried and scared. Take out your worry list, and expose the Worry Monster’s secrets by writing down what he tells you to make you feel scared and worried. For example, next to the worry “being left alone,” you may write, “I might get left at school.” Uncover what he tells you for all your worries and fears — you are exposing him.

Step 7: Change and Modify Thinking

Next to the list of what the Worry Monster tells you, write down new thoughts that are healthier and more realistic. Ask yourself, “What am I thinking? How can I think about this differently?” For example, “I might get left at school,” gets changed to, “I have never been left before” and “Something bad might happen to my mom,” gets changed to, “My mom is strong and can take care of herself.”

Step 8: Practice, Practice, Practice!

Choose behavioral practice activities to tackle the Worry Monster head on. Go to your Success Ladder and start doing the first thing on the bottom of the list until you are bored of it. For example, if you are afraid of dogs, look at a book about dogs until it is not scary and then go to the next rung on the ladder (looking at dogs from far away). Keep moving up the ladder and work your way to the top. Sometimes it goes quickly and other times you may have to practice something over and over.

Step 9: Develop a Coping Toolbox

Make a personalized toolbox to help you take on the Worry Monster when he shows up. This toolbox usually consists of strategies like deep breathing, understanding where in your body you feel the worry and fear, knowing what makes you start worrying or feeling scared, questions to ask yourself to challenge your thinking (“Is it true?), statements to use against the Worry Monster (“I can do this!”; “Take a hike, you cowardly bully!”; “So what?”), exercise, and activities that distract you and help you relax.

Step 10 — Don’t Give Up!

Like all bullies, the Worry Monster does not give up easily. It takes a ton of courage and persistence to drive him away. You have talents to show the world and lots of life experiences to enjoy. By using these strategies, and working as a team, the Worry Monster doesn’t stand a chance. It is time for him to pick on somebody else. Don’t give up. You are a warrior. You can do this!

 

Click on the link to read 8 Year Old Indian Girl Divorces her 14 Year Old Husband

Click on the link to read Meet the Ten Year Old Girl Who has had a Thousand Criminals Arrested

Click on the link to read Tips For Kids in Dealing With Exams

Click on the link to read The Harmful Effects of Yelling at Students

Click on the link to read First Prize for a Primary School Raffle: A Rifle

Click on the link to read Another Reason why Television is Unealthy for Children

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Posted in Child Welfare | 2 Comments »

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