Posts Tagged ‘Psychology’

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Dealing With the Abusive Child

September 6, 2011

A number years ago I had a very difficult student who possessed a huge temper.  His volcanic-type eruptions usually came with a tirade of expletives, threats and thrown classroom items.  In short, the class and even some teachers were intimidated of him.

One day, in my first year of Primary teaching, I made him upset.  I can not recollect what I did, but you can be rest assured that it was very minor.  He was extremely livid with me and let me know all about it in a letter in which he threatened to beat me up.  In this letter he also cursed repeatedly, claimed that I treated him worse than the other students and it also contained other threats.

He left the note on my desk to read, which I did soon after he placed it on my table.  Although a bit shaken by the emotive language and violent imagery, I maintained my calm and instantly decided that he was looking for a reaction from me.  I figured that he wanted me to be angry or emotional in some way, and if I was, he would get some satisfaction from that response.

Instead, I pinned his letter on a noticeboard behind my desk in the company of thoughtful cards and messages I’d received from students.  There, front and center, amongst all these colourful “Thank You” cards, was his malicious letter.

I’m not certain how long it took him to notice the letter up there, but what I do know is that the next time I looked up at my noticeboard the letter had disappeared.  In its place was a new card, written by the same kid, thanking me for teaching him and helping him with his work.

Clearly this method wont work every time.  But I still think there is great value in keeping calm, avoiding the emotional payoff of getting angry or making threats of your own.

Tags:, , , , , , ,
Posted in Child Development, Classroom Management | Leave a Comment »

Diet Book For Children Is a Concern

August 28, 2011

There are two significant problems with a book like Maggie Goes on a Diet, which is pitched at pre-teens and preaches dieting as the best form of weight loss.

The first problem is that young children should not be dieting.  On the child related health website, Kidshealth.org, it states that, “Diets that don’t include a variety of nutritious foods, or have too few calories, can be dangerous for kids.”

My second concern is the type of messages we send kids about weight.  At a time when these young children are trying to work out who they are and trying to find a sense of self it is terribly destructive to focus on their weight.  Children who need to lose weight don’t need a novel to tell them that.  They need a support network of loving parents and dietitians who will be able to consider the child’s virtues as well as their struggles.

As much as childhood obesity is a concern, in my view children lacking in confidence is of far greater concern.  It is not sufficient to tear down a childs self-esteem by recommending diets and drawing attention to their weight.  To be motivated to do anything positive one has to be in a positive mindframe.  You have to believe in yourself and think of yourself as worthy of the breakthrough.

I too have written a book (albeit not yet published) that focusses on an obese child.  But I have taken a very different approach.  My child learns not to obsess about his weight and see the bigger picture.  He is not going to get thin tomorrow, but in trying to improve his health he will reflect on the things he has learnt about himself over the course of the journey.

I don’t think the carrot stick for potato chip packet works or is very responsible.

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Childhood Obesity | 2 Comments »

Lazy Parenting is Good Parenting?

August 24, 2011

I think I’ve heard it all.  It seems you can take any position nowadays, no matter how crazy or usual it sounds and sell it to a world of impressionable and desperate people.  Advocating a more lazy, hands-off approach to parenting is certainly unconventional.  The claim that families are suffering from “family fatigue” just seems odd:

Children need time and space just to play and to be – if not they’ll end up psychologically damaged and useless, says a British parenting writer and philosopher.

Tom Hodgkinson is author of The Idle Parent, a book that encourages parents to adopt a hands-off approach so that their children become more self-reliant and capable.

… the less free time parents allocate to their children, the more anxious parents seem to become.

Rather than ferrying kids to music lessons, sports games and playgroups, it seems we should be saving our energy and staying at home, dragging out the dress-up or craft box, or sending the kids out into the backyard.

What’s next, a book condoning absent parents?

Tags:, , , , , , ,
Posted in Parenting | 2 Comments »

Mother That Publicly Shamed Son is Shameful

August 23, 2011

I resist criticising parents, because as one myself, I know that it’s not an easy job.  Parents make mistakes, it’s just a fact of life.  But some mistakes, parents just can’t afford to make.  Shaming a ten year-old in the way that this mother does, takes a small problem and turns it into much larger one:

A Townsville mother has punished her son by making him sit in public wearing a sign that read, “Do not trust me. I will steal from you as I am a thief”.

The boy, who was also wearing a pair of Shrek ears and writing lines, spent almost an hour near a waterpark on Sunday while his family ate lunch nearby, the Townsville Bulletin reported.

Diane Mayers told the Bulletin that she was so “horrified” when she saw the boy, thought to be about 10, that she alerted Child Safety Services.

The former Child Safety Services worker said the long-term effects of the public humiliation would be greater than any form of physical abuse.

“A lot of people walked past and were laughing at him, including boys who would have been his age,” she said.

She said the parents had clearly put a lot of work into the punishment, with the boy wearing laminated signs on both his back and his front.

Ms Mayers told the Bulletin the boy took the Shrek ears off at one point when her daughter overheard the boy’s mother say, ‘Put them back on or I’ll smack your head in’.

That boy may never steal again, but does the punishment really fit the crime?  Not even close.

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Parenting | Leave a Comment »

Sparing Young Children the Affliction of Body Image

July 31, 2011

A mother not associated with my school told me of her concerns regarding her 3-year old child.  The 3-year old is much shorter than others in her age bracket and the comments about her childs’ height have started to make the child self-conscious.  The mother is worried that the stigma of being much shorter than her peers may deeply erode the child’s self-confidence.  Doctor’s have recommended starting the child on growth hormones to alleviate some of the height discrepancy.  The mother is extremely dedicated and loving, and refuses to take that option as she doesn’t see it in the best interests of her child.

This example highlights a problem that keeps getting bigger and more difficult to deal with.  Why are young children more self-conscious about their body now than ever before?  What are we doing about it?

It seems as if the problem is getting worse and we are becoming less able to respond to it.

Pre-teens have never been so obsessed with their looks and so insecure about their imperfections. I read an article that points to a recent study in the UK where almost 600 children below the age of 13 have been treated in hospital for eating disorders in the past three years.

Many point to the advertising industry.  They blame magazine covers and their gaunt models for creating an unrealistic perception of the average body size and type.

But isn’t advertising just a mirror of our own hopes and dreams?  If they put more meat on Barbie’s unhealthily skinny body, wouldn’t sales be adversely affected?

What bothers me is that parents face an uphill battle with empowering their children to be content with their own looks.  No matter how much time and energy they put into trying to make their children feel secure and attractive, peers and others in society tend to tear them down.

Has the problem gone too far to remedy?  Is blaming the advertisers and media really worth the trouble?  How much power do parents have in helping their children overcome societies unhealthy and unrealistic obsession with body image and beauty?

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Body Image | 2 Comments »

7 Strategies for Dealing With Office Politics

July 26, 2011

The school staff room, like any other office environment, can pose challenges when it comes to dealing with colleagues.  Lawrence Cheok gives 7 fantastic strategies for overcoming  office politics and managing a hostile or competitive work environment.

HABIT #1 – BE AWARE YOU HAVE A CHOICE

The most common reactions to politics at work are either fight or flight. It’s normal human reaction for survival in the wild, back in the prehistoric days when we were still hunter-gatherers. Sure, the office is a modern jungle, but it takes more than just instinctive reactions to win in office politics. Instinctive fight reactions will only cause more resistance to whatever you are trying to achieve; while instinctive flight reactions only label you as a pushover that people can easily take for granted. Neither options are appealing for healthy career growth.

Winning requires you to consciously choose your reactions to the situation. Recognize that no matter how bad the circumstances, you have a choice in choosing how you feel and react. So how do you choose? This bring us to the next point…

HABIT #2 – KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE

When conflicts happens, it’s very easy to be sucked into tunnel-vision and focus on immediate differences. That’s a self-defeating approach. Chances are you’ll only invite more resistance by focusing on differences in people’s positions or opinions.

The way to mitigate this without looking like you’re fighting to emerge as a winner in this conflict is to focus on the business objectives. In the light of what’s best for the business, discuss the pros and cons of each option. Eventually, everyone wants the business to be successful; if the business don’t win, then nobody in the organization wins. It’s much easier for one to eat the humble pie and back off when they realize the chosen approach is best for the business.

By learning to steer the discussion in this direction, you will learn to disengage from petty differences and position yourself as someone who is interested in getting things done. Your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is mature, strategic and can be entrusted with bigger responsibilities.

HABIT #3 – FOCUS ON YOUR CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

At work, there are often issues which we have very little control over. It’s not uncommon to find corporate policies, client demands or boss mandates which affects your personal interests. Bitching and complaining are common responses to these events that we cannot control. But think about it, other than that short term emotional outlet, what tangible results do bitching really accomplish? In most instances, none.

Instead of feeling victimized and angry about the situation, focus on the things that you can do to influence the situation – your circle of influence. This is a very empowering technique to overcome the feeling of helplessness. It removes the victimized feeling and also allows others to see you as someone who knows how to operate within given constraints. You may not be able to change or decide on the eventual outcome, but you can walk away knowing that you have done the best within the given circumstances.

Constraints are all around in the workplace; with this approach, your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is understanding and positive.

HABIT #4 – DON’T TAKE SIDES

In office politics, it is possible to find yourself stuck in between two power figures who are at odds with each other. You find yourself being thrown around while they try to outwit each other and defend their own position. All at the expense of you getting the job done. You can’t get them to agree on a common decision for a project, and neither of them want to take ownership of issues; they’re too afraid they’ll get stabbed in the back for any mishaps.

In cases like this, focus on the business objectives and don’t take side with either of them – even if you like one better than the other. Place them on a common communication platform and ensure open communications among all parties so that no one can claim “I didn’t say that”.

By not taking sides, you’ll help to direct conflict resolution in an objective manner. You’ll also build trust with both parties. That’ll help to keep the engagements constructive and focus on business objectives.

HABIT #5 – DON’T GET PERSONAL

In office politics, you’ll get angry with people. It happens. There will be times when you feel the urge to give that person a piece of your mind and teach him a lesson. Don’t.

People tend to remember moments when they were humiliated or insulted. Even if you win this argument and get to feel really good about it for now, you’ll pay the price later when you need help from this person. What goes around comes around, especially at the work place.

To win in the office, you’ll want to build a network of allies which you can tap into. The last thing you want during a crisis or an opportunity is to have someone screw you up because they habour ill-intentions towards you – all because you’d enjoyed a brief moment of emotional outburst at their expense.

Another reason to hold back your temper is your career advancement. Increasingly, organizations are using 360 degree reviews to promote someone.

Even if you are a star performer, your boss will have to fight a political uphill battle if other managers or peers see you as someone who is difficult to work with. The last thing you’ll want is to make it difficult for your boss to champion you for a promotion.

HABIT #6 – SEEK TO UNDERSTAND, BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD

The reason people feel unjustified is because they felt misunderstood. Instinctively, we are more interested in getting the others to understand us than to understand them first. Top people managers and business leaders have learned to suppress this urge.

Surprisingly, seeking to understand is a very disarming technique. Once the other party feels that you understand where he/she is coming from, they will feel less defensive and be open to understand you in return. This sets the stage for open communications to arrive at a solution that both parties can accept. Trying to arrive at a solution without first having this understanding is very difficult – there’s little trust and too much second-guessing.

HABIT #7 – THINK WIN-WIN

As mentioned upfront, political conflicts happen because of conflicting interests. Perhaps due to our schooling, we are taught that to win, someone else needs to lose. Conversely, we are afraid to let someone else win, because it implies losing for us.

In business and work, that doesn’t have to be the case.

Learn to think in terms of “how can we both win out of this situation?” This requires that you first understand the other party’s perspective and what’s in it for him. Next, understand what’s in it for you. Strive to seek out a resolution that is acceptable and beneficial to both parties. Doing this will ensure that everyone truly commit to the agree resolution and not pay only lip-service to it.

People simply don’t like to lose. You may get away with win-lose tactics once or twice, but very soon, you’ll find yourself without allies in the workplace. Thinking win-win is an enduring strategy that builds allies and help you win in the long term.

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Teachers Stress | 1 Comment »

Youth Violence Blamed on Lack of Male Teachers

June 24, 2011

This one wins “The Long Bow Award” for the most absurd theory in education.

A Decline in the number of male teachers is being blamed for rising youth violence.

Adolescent psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg said the lack of male teachers was a major problem.

“We know males give something different to the developing boy than what female teachers give. To some extent we have lost that male narrative and left it to Hollywood to teach boys about masculinity,” he said.

The article is right though in suggesting there are very real reasons why males are not finding teaching an attractive career path:

Low pay, a perception that teaching is “women’s work”, and fears of being labelled a pedophile have been blamed for the reluctance of young men to teach.

As long as males don’t find this career path appealing, we are wrong in believing that we even have a shortage of male teachers to begin with.  There’s nothing worse than a teacher that doesn’t enjoy what he/she does.

I wonder if this frenzy to have more male teachers will inspire a new kind of sexual equality.  I wonder if the following methods will be employed to get potential male teachers interested:

– Pay them more than female teachers

– Offer a university fees rebate for male teachers

– Create quota systems for males in schools and universities.

I believe all these measures would be a mistake.  Essentially what we are looking for are good teachers not male teachers.  Whilst I hope men come to discover what a wonderful profession this is, I wouldn’t push it.

As for the lack of male teachers being blamed for youth violence, I very much doubt it.  Male teachers can have a very strong effect on male students in particular, but the theory is outrageous at best.

Tags:, , , , , , , ,
Posted in Male Teachers | Leave a Comment »

Too Many Struggling Students Lack Support

June 20, 2011

I read a disturbing article about a young boy who struggles with dyslexia, and the trauma his mother has gone through as his school makes little to no effort to assist him.  It is a difficult article for a teacher to read, but a very important one.  There are too many students that fall between the cracks.  Too many that don’t get the attention and support that they so desperately need.  As teachers, we must fight for the social, emotional and academic wellbeing of all our students, whilst ensuring that they are all, without exception, getting the care and attention they need.

Below is an excerpt of the article.  I truly recommend that you read the whole story,

David is an artistically gifted boy with a photographic memory. The 10-year-old’s dining-room table is full of intricately designed Lego battleships, his art displays such originality that his teacher calls him “the next Picasso”, and he has an extraordinary ability to recall facts from the History Channel documentaries he watches on TV.

“The other day,” his 41-year-old mother Margaret recalled, “we were driving along and he said, ‘mummy, you were born in the year the first man landed on the moon’.”

But there is one big problem with David that overshadows his life. He cannot read. He has been assessed as “severely dyslexic” and “having the reading age of a child aged four years and four months”. His schooling has been a disaster and according to educational psychologist reports seen by the Standard, he has progressed “just one month in five years”.

You might assume that David attends a failing, inner-city school, but you would be wrong. His south London state primary is rated “good” by Ofsted, attended almost exclusively by white British-born pupils, and is located in a street of £3million houses. He is also well behaved.

Yet David, his mother said, has been “catastrophically let down by everyone: by his teachers, by the school and by the council”, all of whom failed to give him the specialised help he needs.

Margaret said: “At school the other kids call him ‘odd’ and ‘weirdo’ and he often comes home crying. He is still reading flashcards and has not progressed beyond words like ‘cat’ and ‘dog’. He has no real friends – how can he? He doesn’t get their jokes or their games. To the other kids, he is a misfit who doesn’t understand anything that’s going on because he can’t read.”

“My son was nine and he still couldn’t read a word,” said Margaret. “What were they waiting for? Why didn’t they do something?” 

Finally the school arranged for David to have some specialist teaching – three hours a week at a nearby literacy centre at a cost to the school of £1,000 a term – as well as 15 hours a week one-on-one with the teacher assistant. For the first time he made a glimmer of progress, improving by “one month in a year”. Margaret says the teacher assistant and the literacy centre are not experts in teaching severely dyslexic children.

There is a growing tendency to allow students to pass the year, regardless of their level of skill or maturity.  The reason for this is quite sensible.  Holding a child back can have strong emotional repercussions.  But because such a system exists, not enough questions are asked of students who are languishing.

I am not suggesting for a second that young David should have been kept down.  I am simply suggesting that since teachers no longer have to explain why a child is ready to be promoted, there is less incentive to put the time and energy into children like David.

It is time that we looked into the issue of students being promoted without the basic skills, and ensure that teachers are made accountable for the progress of their students.  David was allowed to fall into the gaps and starved of the support he needed because there isn’t enough pressure on teachers to reach benchmarks.

The story of David breaks my heart because he is a victim to poor teaching, an inept education system and a misnomer that dyslexia renders one academically incapable.

 

 

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Child Development | 2 Comments »

Lazy Parents Blamed for Kids Falling Behind at School

June 19, 2011

It is a gross simplification to blame parents for their children’s slow academic development.  Last time I looked, a large part of a child’s day is spent at school.  It is simply unfair to blame parents when the failings of the education system is so apparent.  Blame should be shared between all key stakeholders.

It is also unfair to blame parents as lazy.  Often these same parents that don’t play enough games with their children work multiple jobs and long hours to put their children into good schools.  I play games and practice reading with my daughter every night, but by the time I sit down with her she is exhausted from a long day at school.  If I can’t rely on her school in keeping up their end of the bargain, then even my best efforts may not be enough.

Whilst I do not in any way condone putting a child in front of a television, I believe that the school system should be able to make up any developmental lag as a result of misspent toddler time.  If the school system can’t help overturn a 4-year old’s slow development with 7 hours a day of school instruction, then it says a lot about the failings of our school system.

Neuro-psychologist, Sally Goddard Blythe, disagrees:

LAZY parenting is resulting in children starting school developmentally disadvantaged because they watch too much TV instead of playing and being read to.

A neuro-psychologist in the UK, Sally Goddard Blythe, researched the link between children who missed out on simple childhood activities and those who started school with learning problems.

She found many toddlers were watching 4.5 hours of TV a day instead of playing, and went on to start school with poor emotional development and motor skills.

Dr Marc de Rosnay, an early childhood development expert from the University of Sydney’s school of psychology, said children were put in front of a television screen too often.

“We are living in a world where there are lots of opportunities for a child to be engaged with no one for an extended time,” he said. “There is some decent research that shows that motor skills develop when kids are out and about and experiencing the physical world … as a nation (we now have) more children growing up with low levels of activity.

“There are government recommendations about how much TV kids should be watching, and it’s not much.”

While he stopped short of saying that parents who did not read to their children or interact with them were “neglectful”, Dr de Rosnay said there were developmental consequences for children who missed out on that nurturing.

“It’s fair to say that children who miss out on interacting with their parents, peers and siblings will find themselves at a disadvantage compared with children who have had that interaction,” he said.

But he added that using play to develop a bond and trust between parents and child was more important than teaching a child to read at a young age.

“We live in a world now where children are meant to be numerate and have the first steps of letter recognition before they start kindergarten,” he said. “We used to live in a world where kindergarten was the place that was done.”

Dr de Rosnay said there was no evidence that if a child started school unable to read and write it would affect their long-term learning.

Ms Goddard Blythe found that almost half of all UK five-year-olds who started school only had the motor skills of a baby, including the inability to hold a pencil. The cause, she said, was because parents had not spent enough time playing with their children or letting them play with others.

Ms Goddard-Blythe also argued that when children missed out on being read fairy tales, it impacted on their ability to understand “moral behaviour” and how to deal with emotions.

Instead of putting all the blame on parents, the educational system should get with reality.  They should prepare for the fact that students may not have motor skills that enable them to properly grip a pencil etc.  Instead of complaining that students show a lack of understanding of proper moral behaviour due to a lack of exposure to fairy tales, ensure that fairy tales is part of the early years curriculum.

Anyone that thinks a 5-year old can’t radically improve in motor skills and the ability to make moral choices has never been in a classroom.

Parents should always do their best to help their kids.  But they are not the only stakeholders in the education of our children.

Tags:, , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Child Development, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

Newsflash: Bullying Was Around Before Facebook

June 5, 2011

I’ve maintained frequently on this blog that cyber bullying is a major concern.  The rise of social networking sites like Facebook has meant that bullying is more rampant and invasive now than it’s ever been. But let’s not forget that cyber bullying is a manifestation of conventional bullying – and that cannot be blamed on Facebook.

That’s why I find then following article troubling:

CHILDREN as young as eight are being treated for anxiety problems triggered by social-networking sites.

Psychologists say modern technology is producing a growing number of children needing therapy to deal with distress arising from posts on Facebook and other sites.

Darryl Cross, a clinical psychologist from Crossways Consulting, said anxiety caused by technology was a growing concern.

“Modern-day technologies and social-networking sites are contributing significantly to child and adolescent anxiety,” he said.

“It is an international phenomenon.”

Although anxiety was an established disorder, more modern triggers were lead to more distressed teenagers, Dr Cross said.

“But also, it’s the ability to be in contact 24/7.”

“In previous generations, you had the telephone and if you were lucky, mum and dad let you make a call after you got home from school. But now, primary school children, not to mention adolescents, have mobiles, which means they are constantly in touch via text messages and Facebook.”

Dr Cross said children used networking sites to determine their identity and form a view of what society thought of them.

Clinical psychologist at The Children’s Psychology Clinic, Dr Elizabeth Seeley-Wait, said she was seeing kids suffering anxiety about “being out of touch or out of the loop” if they had their mobile phone taken away.

Adults are also falling victim to insecurities.

Equilibrium Psychology’s Gemma Cribb said Facebook came up in couples’ therapy. “Someone will check their partner’s Facebook and questions will come up such as ‘Where did you meet this friend?’ ” she said.

Whilst I am very weary of children having a Facebook page, especially under the age of 13, I think it’s important to note that the bullying itself is more important than the medium.  Whilst mediums change, what doesn’t seem to change are the bullies.

What is being done about it?

Sure school’s will give you their standard assortment of “P” words, like ‘policies’, ‘programs’ and ‘procedures’, to reassure you that they are taking decisive action, but these provisions are just there to avoid lawsuits.  The effect of policies and programs are minimal at best, and if there really was stringent consequences handed out, would there be such a huge problem?

Here’s some “P” words of my own – we need a more solid partnership between Principals, Parents and Practitioners.  We need schools to be as concerned about their culture and as passionate about the safety of their students as they are about their numbers, finances and academic reputation.  We need parents to be aware of how their children treat others and raise them to respect others rather than undermine, bully or belittle them.  And we need teachers to continue to fight for their students.

We have a choice, we can blame it all on the juggernaut that is Facebook, or we can fight bullying at its source whilst standing up for the rights of those who are victimised and powerless.

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Cyber Bullying | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »