Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

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Children To Be Taken Away From Parents Because of Their Weight

September 5, 2011

There is no doubt that social workers are unheralded and deserve much credit for the work that they do.  But having said that, I can’t hide my displeasure at their willingness to break up families in the name of raising thinner kids.

It bothers me that people think they know what is best for someone elses children.  It disturbs me that people can justify taking children from their flawed but loving parents and subject them to foster homes and estrangement from their flesh and blood all in the name of helping them to lose weight.

What about what the children want?  Has it ever occurred to them that some children are prepared to deal with the consequences of being severely overweight if it means they can remain with their parents?  Since when did physically healthy foster kids have it much better than obese kids enjoying the closeness of their parents and siblings?

And don’t tell me that parents that raise obese kids are ‘cruel’.  Yes, they have made poor parental decisions and yes their poor decisions may have all kinds of serious consequences for their kids.  But parenting, like weight loss, is not an easy job.  It is unfair to taint parents as ‘cruel’ and ‘unfit to parent’ just because they are not succeeding in breaking bad habits.  No parents wants to see their child suffer.  Some just need a lot more support than others to break bad habits.

Four obese children are on the brink of being permanently removed from their family by social workers after their parents failed to bring their weight under control.

In the first case of its kind, their mother and father now face what they call the ‘unbearable’ likelihood of never seeing them again.

Their three daughters, aged 11, seven and one, and five-year-old son, will either be ‘fostered without contact’ or adopted.

Either way, the family’s only hope of being reunited will be if the children attempt to track down their parents when they become adults.

In an emotional interview, the 42-year-old mother said: ‘We might not be the perfect parents, but we love our children with all our hearts. To face a future where we will never see them again is unbearable.

‘They picked on us because of our size to start with and they just haven’t let go, despite the fact we’ve done everything to lose weight and meet their demands. We’re going to fight this to the bitter end. It feels like even prisoners have more human rights than we do.’

The bullying and stand over tactics by the social workers and courts were deplorable.  Making them send their kids to dance and sport lessons is not sensible at all.  Why wouldn’t the courts give the children a say about whether or not they wanted to go to dance and football?  Ask a young girl suffering from obesity whether or not she would take up dancing, she would invariably say, “Over my dead body.”  Clocking in and out to satisfy court imposed curfews and having social workers stand in corners taking notes at dinnertime just added to the lunacy.

Society is too harsh on parents.  Parenting is a difficult job.  Instead of judging or punishing parents for bad choices, would it be too much trouble to offer real support and encouragement?  Has this couple ever once been offered free appointments with dieticians or councillors?
Soon we are going to get to the stage where it is socially acceptable to classify any parent with even a slightly overweight child as a reckless and sub-standard parent.
Outrageous!

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Posted in Childhood Obesity, Parenting | 6 Comments »

Lack of Male Teachers Not Responsible for Boys in Gangs

September 3, 2011

I think the experts have it all wrong when it comes to the lack of male teachers in Primary schools.  Sure, the male teachers currently working in the primary/elementary system are generally doing a great job, especially in teaching boys, but there are legitimate reasons why male teachers are not lining up to teach.

It was great to read a blog post by writer and educator Katharine Birbalsingh, who dispels the far-fetched assumptions made about the lack of male primary teachers :

Only 12.4 per cent of the primary school workforce is male. 27 per cent of primary schools in Britain are staffed entirely by women. And in secondary schools, only 37.5 per cent of teachers are male. In an age where some fathers have so little to do with their children, these statistics are seen to be scandalous. Clearly this must explain why some of our boys end up in gangs, why boys underachieve at GCSE in comparison to girls – a gap that widened to record level this year – and why chaos reins in our classrooms. Or does it?

Ms. Birbalsingh goes on to conclude that whilst male teachers have a positive effect on male students, the real issue is the fathers of these students.

Sure, having more men in our schools would be a good thing. And absent fathers is a bad thing. But no teacher can really ever replace a missing father. And that’s where the problem for our boys lies on the whole. What we need are families. Indeed, not too long ago, when ordinary families were more the norm, when fathers were present, male teachers hardly existed, and our boys were doing just fine. So are the schools really to blame for the underachievement of our boys? I would think not. I would think the onus is on our broken families.

My view is that the obsession for male teachers is unhealthy.  Men just don’t seem to be interested in taking up teaching.  My former classmates just assume that I fell into teaching and that my grades must have been so poor that I didn’t have much of an option.  Whilst this couldn’t be further from the truth, it does tell us a bit about the average man’s attitude to teaching – there is no interest in the profession whatsoever.  Especially teaching children under the age of 13.

And I ask you, who would you rather have teaching your son, a diligent, professional and passionate female teacher or a male teacher who reluctantly signed up because the Government were offering cash incentives too good to refuse?

I love teaching at the Primary level and wouldn’t swap my job for any other.  I know other male teachers who feel the same way.  But the reality is, men just don’t want to teach.  We can’t expect them to do something they just don’t want to do.

My school doesn’t even have a male toilets.  The male staff members of our school are forced to use the disabled toilets when they need to go.  As sad as that sounds, it’s hard to justify building a toilet in the current climate.

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Posted in Male Teachers | 2 Comments »

Soldiers Encouraged to Take Up Teaching to Improve Discipline

September 2, 2011

Are you out of your mind Michael Gove?  I understand that there are times when teachers have no choice but to physically restrain kids, but the way you have encouraged teachers to take the law into their own hands without even having to document it later is just plain lunacy.  Teachers should always be compelled to write an incident report in instances when physical restraining takes place.

But the lunacy doesn’t stop there.  An idea to encourage soldiers to take up teaching because their physically intimidating presence may improve classroom discipline is a big slap in the face of this great profession.  To even consider replacing professional teachers for glorified bodyguards says little for Michael Gove and our hope for better educational outcomes in Britain.

MICHAEL Gove yesterday told teachers to have no fear of using physical force to restrain unruly pupils as he launched a blitz on classroom chaos. It came as the Government unveiled plans to encourage soldiers to take up teaching to improve kids’ discipline. 

The Education Secretary said it was time to show disruptive kids “who’s boss” because “the rules of the game have changed”.

Under plans to bolster staff and undermine school yobs who hide behind human rights rules, teachers will no longer have to record each time they restrain a violent pupil.

Mr Gove said: “The last thing teachers need is another piece of regulation inhibiting their judgment.” He spoke of a “step-by-step” move of the “ratchet” back in teachers’ favour, adding: “We need to ensure we send a single, consistent, message that teachers are there to be respected, listened to, obeyed.

“Let me be crystal clear, if any parent now hears a school say, ‘Sorry, we can’t physically touch the students’, then that school is wrong. Plain wrong. The rules of the game have changed.”

Teaching isn’t about intimidation, it is about patience, care, dedication and insight.  Perhaps we should encourage our fine, brave soldiers to take up politics.

I hear Mr. Gove is keen to explore life as a soldier.  Perhaps a straight swap could be arranged.

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Posted in Classroom Management | Leave a Comment »

Students “YouTubing” Their Teachers

September 1, 2011

Students have found new ways to demean and embarrass their classroom teacher.  In a digital age where students invariably have mobile phones at their disposal, teachers are often filmed without their knowledge and broadcast world-wide without their permission.

Take this prank, that for reasons unknown to me has not been banned from YouTube.  Not only is it allowed to remain, regardless of the hurt and embarrassment it must have caused the teacher, but children from all around the world have been given the opportunity to comment on it.  Apparently they think this is hysterical.  I most certainly do not:

At least Canada are doing something about it:

It’s called being “YouTubed” and the Internet is full of hundreds of videos of students either badmouthing their teachers or provoking them to explode in class, then recording the fireworks and posting it to the Web.

And parents have also gotten in on the action, posting videos where they verbally attack their kids’ teachers or post allegations against them.

But teachers have begun to fight back. On Tuesday, 800 delegates at the annual meeting of the Elementary Teachers’ Federation of Ontario voted unanimously to urge boards and schools to establish clear policies around the unauthorized use of digital recordings and photos taken by students.

Teacher Dave Buddell told CTV News on Wednesday night that he occasionally Googles his name.

“I’ve been online and looked around,” he said. “You do see instances where teachers have been filmed obviously without their consent.”

To me, there is a gaping double standard when it comes to education and social media.  Teachers are being told that it is not legal to conduct lessons and give support through mediums like Twitter, yet students are allowed to put horrendous videos like the one above without so much as a “please explain.”

It’s simply not good enough!

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Posted in Social Media, Teachers Stress | Leave a Comment »

California Superintendant Declines Salary

August 30, 2011

Fresno School Superintendent Larry Powell is a reminder of what education should be about – selflessness and dedication.

I recall a survey conducted back in the US in 1998/99 that found that teachers spent an average of $448 of their own money on instructional materials and school supplies:

The survey conducted last summer by the National School Supply and Equipment Association — a trade group representing the school supply industry — found that teachers pay for 77 percent of the school supplies needed in their classrooms. The rest comes from the school, parent-teacher groups and other school funds.

Teacher expenditure would be even higher nowadays.  But when it comes to selflessness nothing can top the outstanding act of generosity and conviction by Larry Powell:

Fresno School Superintendent Larry Powell has agreed to give up $800,000 in salary that he would have earned over three years. Until his term expires in 2015, Powell will run 325 schools and 35 school districts with 195,000 students, all for less than what a starting California teacher earns.

“How much do we need to keep accumulating?” asks Powell, 63. “There’s no reason for me to keep stockpiling money.”

Powell’s generosity is more than just a gesture in a region with some of the nation’s highest rates of unemployment. As he prepares for retirement, he wants to ensure that his pet projects survive California budget cuts. And the man who started his career as a high school civics teacher, who has made anti-bullying his mission, hopes that his act of generosity will help restore faith in the government he once taught students to respect.

“A part of me has chafed at what they did in Bell,” Powell said, recalling the corrupt Southern California city officials who secretly boosted their salaries by hundreds of thousands of dollars. “It’s hard to believe that someone in the public trust would do that to the public. My wife and I asked ourselves, ‘What can we do that might restore confidence in government?’ “

Powell’s answer? Ask his board to allow him to return $288,241 in salary and benefits for the next 3 1/2 years of his term. He technically retired, then agreed to be hired back to work for $31,000 a year — $10,000 less than a first-year teacher — and with no benefits.

The media is riddled with terrible stories of teachers abusing their position and acting without integrity, it is so good to see a more positive story doing the rounds.

Thank you Mr. Powell for putting your convictions before your purse and your students before anything else.

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Posted in Inspirational Teachers | 1 Comment »

Give Parents a Break

August 30, 2011

Whilst there has and will always be bad parents, society seems very keen to judge well-meaning and loving parents far too harshly.

Parenting isn’t easy.  For all my dedication, there are times when I feel like I’ve got it wrong.  I make mistakes and I reflect and try to improve.  I’m not perfect and I’m never going to be, but it doesn’t stop me from trying my very best.

Yet the media keeps on reporting about mothers who don’t breastfeed, children who are overweight, parents who don’t discipline enough or who over-discipline or who choose childcare for their babies etc.  It’s almost as if there is an unofficial game between some members of society to make themselves feel better about their own parenting performance by panning others.

One of the trends becoming more and more popular is for children to sue their parents.  We are not talking about for child abuse or criminal activity, but rather for nothing more than being flawed parents.  Take this example doing the rounds about children suing their mother over a birthday card:

They alleged Garrity failed to take Kathryn to a car show and threatened Steven II with phoning police if he did not buckle his seatbelt.

The children claim she ‘haggled’ over dress prices and called at midnight to tell Kathryn to come home from a party, reported the Chicago Tribune.

The birthday card in question was labelled ‘inappropriate’ by Steven II as it allegedly failed to include any money.

Whilst I am relieved that common sense prevailed and the children were not successful, I wonder why the legal process took 2 years before the lawsuit could be thrown out at the appeal stage.  The court system must make a strong and unambiguous statement about the rights of parents to parent as they see fit as long as they act lawfully.
If we spend our time judging scornfully about the practices of other parents we will allow ourselves to be blinded by the improvements required in our own parenting approach.  Every child must be taught according to their own individual personality type and every child must be parented according to their own personality type.  No self-help book applies to all kids and no parenting style works on all kids.
So my advice is, stop judging others and concentrate on your own practice.

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Posted in Child Development | 1 Comment »

Diet Book For Children Is a Concern

August 28, 2011

There are two significant problems with a book like Maggie Goes on a Diet, which is pitched at pre-teens and preaches dieting as the best form of weight loss.

The first problem is that young children should not be dieting.  On the child related health website, Kidshealth.org, it states that, “Diets that don’t include a variety of nutritious foods, or have too few calories, can be dangerous for kids.”

My second concern is the type of messages we send kids about weight.  At a time when these young children are trying to work out who they are and trying to find a sense of self it is terribly destructive to focus on their weight.  Children who need to lose weight don’t need a novel to tell them that.  They need a support network of loving parents and dietitians who will be able to consider the child’s virtues as well as their struggles.

As much as childhood obesity is a concern, in my view children lacking in confidence is of far greater concern.  It is not sufficient to tear down a childs self-esteem by recommending diets and drawing attention to their weight.  To be motivated to do anything positive one has to be in a positive mindframe.  You have to believe in yourself and think of yourself as worthy of the breakthrough.

I too have written a book (albeit not yet published) that focusses on an obese child.  But I have taken a very different approach.  My child learns not to obsess about his weight and see the bigger picture.  He is not going to get thin tomorrow, but in trying to improve his health he will reflect on the things he has learnt about himself over the course of the journey.

I don’t think the carrot stick for potato chip packet works or is very responsible.

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Posted in Childhood Obesity | 2 Comments »

8 Strategies for Standing Up to Bullies

August 28, 2011

I stumbled on a very useful article by Amy Kuras, giving advice for standing up to bullies.  I hope you find these suggestions very useful.

DO victim-proof your child. Kids who are different in some way tend to be targets, whether they have trouble learning, look goofy, or even are seen as being “stuck up.” It’s a fine line to walk between not stifling their individuality and making them feel like there’s something wrong with them. Help them develop social skills and enough confidence to deflect the bullies. If your child has a learning problem, enlist the school to help you help him. A counselor can teach better social skills. And if your child is kind of funny-looking, remember that everyone spends part of childhood in an “awkward phase.” Remind your kids of this if anyone picks on them for their appearance — and don’t forget to say you think they are perfect-looking the way they are!

DON’T mistake normal ebbs and flows of friendship for bullying. Bullying is behavior that is intentional, repetitive, hurtful, and comes from an imbalance of power between two kids or groups of kids. Someone not inviting your child to a birthday party isn’t necessarily bullying; someone announcing to the whole class who they invited and didn’t invite may be.

DO teach them assertive behavior. Teach your child how to take calming breaths, look the bully in the eye, say, “Stop doing that,” and walk away — or maybe they can turn it around on the bully and laugh, as if their behavior is just too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Bullies expect their victims to just roll over and take it; most won’t keep it going if they face resistance.

DON’T tell them to fight back. This is likely to backfire on your child in a big way … a classic bully move is to goad someone until they lash out, at which point the bully goes running to the nearest authority figure and plays the wounded party. As satisfying as it would be to punch that mean kid right in the nose, it’s just going to make things worse and will bring your child down to the bully’s level. And, um, this goes for you too, Mom.

DO encourage them to seek help from others. Make sure they know you’re proud of them for telling you about it. It takes a lot of courage for a kid to admit he’s being victimized. Talk to the teacher, the principal, and/or a school counselor. Most have finally gotten the message to take bullying seriously. It might also help your child to “buddy up” with a friend in the hall, the lunchroom, or the bus; if the bullying has isolated them to the point that they are socially radioactive with their peers, ask an older kid not involved in the drama to keep an eye on them. And stay on school administrators if you’re not getting satisfying results.

DON’T tell them to just ignore it. Saying this is like saying to them that you plan to ignore it too. And if your child could ignore the bullies, he would. Bullies want a reaction and will escalate their behavior until they get it.

DO talk to your child about bullying before it starts. Even if your kid never is victimized and never picks on someone, the bystander has an important role to play by letting the bully know that behavior is not okay. Encourage your child to stand up to bullies, even if he doesn’t like the kid being victimized. After all, bullies make life harder for everyone.

Most importantly, DO make sure your home is a place where your children can feel loved and accepted for who they are. Encourage them to pursue their passions through after-school activities that can help them meet more like-minded kids, boost their self-esteem, and gain confidence. That’s the best way to stop your kid turning into a bully’s OR victim.

Click on the link to read my post about the mistreatment of a girl who stood up to bullies.

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Posted in Bullying | 4 Comments »

Coloring Book of the 9/11 Tragedy is in Bad Taste

August 26, 2011

I have no problem with children learning about the 9/11 tragedy and I think it is appropriate to commemorate those that perished in terrorist attacks on that fateful day.  What I don’t condone is the idea that kids coloring in the burning twin towers is a good way of imparting such information.  To me, this is disrespectful to children and creates unhelpful tensions.

As Bruce Felps writes:

Titled “We Shall Never Forget 9/11 ‘The Kids’ Book of Freedom,’ ” the book engages kids to color in a depiction of the flaming, smoking, about-to-collapse World Trade Center towers. It also includes an image of a Navy SEAL firing on Osama bin Laden, complete with a bullet in mid-flight. (See that page here)

So, what color is tragedy? What shade of cowardice hides behind a woman when facing his certain death?

The book looks to be intended for kids about 6, 7, 8 years old … too much for that age or too ageless a lesson to delay?

The book also contains narrative. In a press release, publisher Wayne Bell of Really Big Coloring Books Inc. said it “was created with honesty, integrity, reverence, respect and does not shy away from the truth.”

One page, illustrating the immediate aftermath of the attacks, depicts what looks like a TV news anchor reporting that bin Laden was, indeed, the mastermind.

That page includes the line, “These attacks will change the way America deals with and views the Islamic and Muslim people around the world.” Shouldn’t that be “extremist Islamic terrorists” and not the religion and its adherents as a whole?

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Posted in Dealing With Tragedy | 2 Comments »

Lazy Parenting is Good Parenting?

August 24, 2011

I think I’ve heard it all.  It seems you can take any position nowadays, no matter how crazy or usual it sounds and sell it to a world of impressionable and desperate people.  Advocating a more lazy, hands-off approach to parenting is certainly unconventional.  The claim that families are suffering from “family fatigue” just seems odd:

Children need time and space just to play and to be – if not they’ll end up psychologically damaged and useless, says a British parenting writer and philosopher.

Tom Hodgkinson is author of The Idle Parent, a book that encourages parents to adopt a hands-off approach so that their children become more self-reliant and capable.

… the less free time parents allocate to their children, the more anxious parents seem to become.

Rather than ferrying kids to music lessons, sports games and playgroups, it seems we should be saving our energy and staying at home, dragging out the dress-up or craft box, or sending the kids out into the backyard.

What’s next, a book condoning absent parents?

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Posted in Parenting | 2 Comments »

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