Teacher as Imposter

January 2, 2020

 

I once watched the movie Speed and asked why Sandra Bullock didn’t just stop the bus.

Now I teach comprehension.

 

I once poured glue all over my hands so I wouldn’t drop the ball during recess.

Now I teach sport.

 

I was once asked to recite my tables and replied, “Dining Table, Kitchen Table, Tressle Table …”

Now I teach Maths.

 

I once humiliated myself by spelling organism incorrectly.

Now I teach science.

 

I once shattered a shower screen.

Now I teach singing.

 

I once thought General Patton was a make of car.

Now I teach history.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

We Have Already Found the Grandfather of the Year

January 1, 2020

It’s the first day of the year and we have already found our winner:

 

An Oregon grandfather of 10 came up with a brilliant way to spend more time with his grandchildren — he surprised them with a school bus that he had decorated and named the “Grandfather Express,” which he will use to drive them to school each day.

Doug Hayes was out to dinner with his wife Amy celebrating his 59th birthday this past June when Amy, just for fun, asked, “Well, you’re officially going to be old next year, anything you need to check off your bucket list? Anything you need to do in your last year before 60?“

In a Facebook post recounting how the Grandfather Express came to be, Amy explained that Doug was “totally bamfoozled” by the request because he’s always looking out for everyone else and is very outwardly focused. 

“What did HE want? What was on HIS bucket list?” Amy wrote. “He was floored. Actually a little disturbed. He couldn’t even comprehend the question.”

Amy went on to explain that Doug didn’t give her an answer that night, but one day he finally came up with the perfect answer.

“I want a bus,” he told Amy. 

When she asked him to clarify, he said that he wanted the bus to be able to pick up all his grandchildren each morning and drive them to school before he went to work. 

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Education New Year’s Resolutions 2020

January 1, 2020

 

Below are some New Year’s resolutions I suggest the broader Education sector should take on for 2020 based on an article I wrote a few years ago:

1. Schools Should Become More Involved With Cyberbullying –  At present many schools have opted to turn a blind-eye to cyberbullying.  As the offence occurs out of school hours, a growing number of schools have been only too happy to handball the problem to the parents of the bully. Whilst I believe that parents are ultimately responsible for the actions of their children, I ask that schools do more to help deal with this ongoing problem.

The reason why I feel schools should involve themselves more actively with this issue is that most cyberbullying cases result from pre-existing schoolyard bullying.  Having started in the playground and classroom, the bullying then gets transferred online. Whilst the school isn’t liable for what goes on after school, the problem is often a result of what started during school hours.

To me, the best schools are the ones that work with the parents in a partnership for the wellbeing of their students.  For a school to excel it needs to show that it cares about its students beyond its working hours. That is why a teacher or staff member that is aware of cyberbullying must be able to do more than discuss the issue with the class.  They must be able to contact parents, impose sanctions and actively change the situation at hand.

2. Schools Should Address Mental Health Issues from a Young Age – Youth suicide has become an epidemic, and now that we are more familiar with the problem, schools should make children aware of the pressures they may face before facing them. They should be made aware of the options they may encounter should they fall on hard times, and the places they can go to discuss issues affecting them. Some will argue that teaching children about depression makes them more likely to become depressed. “Don’t give them ideas,” they may say. Well, those people clearly haven’t lost someone to suicide.

3. Schools Should Teach Climate Change Very Differently – This is loosely connected to the previous point. It is quite apparent that a growing percentage of children are feeling extremely anxious about predictions concerning our planet. This is harming our kids. I would like to see climate change taught as an opportunity to motivate children to make good personal decisions and inspire them to lessen their own carbon footprint. I don’t think it’s helpful to have them lie awake at night fearful about what politicians are doing or failing to do. Just like we would never teach young impressionable children about the dangers caused by regularly consuming the treats in their own lunchboxes, I don’t think it’s helpful to make them fearful about what a Government’s environmental policies.

4. It’s Time To Stop Blaming Teachers For Everything – Education is supposed to be a team effort.  All parts of the system are supposed to work with each other and for each other.  Yet, it always seems to be that the teachers get singled out for blame.  Poor testing results – blame the teachers, a bullying problem – blame the teachers, lack of classroom control – yep, let’s blame the teachers for that too.

The question has to be asked: At what point do we focus our attention on the administrators when handing out the blame? It seems to me that whilst there is always going to be poor teachers in the system, nowhere near enough focus is directed to policymakers as well as those in management positions and on school counsels.

5. More support for kids floundering in the classroom – Differentiation is an essential practice in a modern classroom, but it doesn’t completely address the issues at hand. When a child is 3 class levels below their peers, what does one do? If the school can’t get funding for that child, what then? The same goes for children on the spectrum. They require a more controlled and traditional classroom set-up. The new, more chaotic and interactional style of teaching and learning doesn’t seem to be doing them wonders. How does a teacher give them what they need without stifling other learners who are embracing group learning and creative and engaging lesson planning? These issues need to be dealt with to support teachers.

 

I must stress that these resolutions don’t necessarily apply to my own workplace, but from what I am discovering, are very big issues that should be considered over the course of the year.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

My Latest Book Interview

December 29, 2019

 

It has been a great thrill for me to publish my debut novel. Below is the transcript of my latest interview.

 

What is your e-reading device of choice?
The Kindle is now waterproof, which is perfect for me as I love to read in the shower. I hope the next edition is shampoo and conditioner proof.
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
I have found that not taking no for an answer has been the best strategy. That tactic worked to finally persuade my wife to read the book.
Describe your desk
My desk happens to look a lot like a kitchen table. In fact, it is a kitchen table. Used cereal boxes make for great mouse pads.
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
I grew up in Melbourne, Australia which is a lot like Melbourne, Florida aside from the beautiful climate and great beaches. Australians are fun-loving and easy-going people. I’m surprised they haven’t deported me yet.
When did you first start writing?
I once wrote a letter of appeal for a traffic violation. I wrote a very convincing letter. I knew then that I could make it as a struggling writer.
What’s the story behind your latest book?
This book was never supposed to be written. What started as a summer project that was abandoned after just two chapters slowly turned into a completed work. And the credit goes entirely to my students.
Back in 2002, whilst I was a mere student teacher, I noticed that kids weren’t utilising their quiet reading time very well. In fact, they were staring off into space. I decided to print off the two chapters as a means to provide the students with another reading option. Not only were they suddenly engaged in what they were reading, but they brought it home to their parents. I was getting messages from parents requesting the next chapter. And this started my journey towards completing the novel. This certainly wouldn’t have happened were it not for the support and encouragement of my wonderful students over the many years!
What motivated you to become an indie author?
It is the perfect career move for me at the moment as I transition to my ultimate dream job – telemarketer!
What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
Sharing your story and the characters you love with the world. That, and getting off parking fines.
What do your fans mean to you?
My uncle means the world to me.
What are you working on next?
I am working on two titles:
The A-Z Guide to the Alphabet; and
Mannequins for Dummies
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
A nice, warm Kindle shower.
When you’re not writing, how do you spend your time?
I am a social justice warrior. The other day I protested against cuts to the police force by handcuffing myself to a policeman.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
I use the same method of discovery as Christopher Columbus – Google.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
I was 4 years old and got myself in heaps of trouble. Permanent marker is hard to get off wallpaper.
What is your writing process?
Sit at the kitchen table. Turn on the computer. Brainstorm. Give up and watch a YouTube cat video. Reward myself with chocolate.
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
War and Peace. It totally changed my life. I loaned a copy to Kim Jong Un, but as of yet, he’s only read the first half.
How do you approach cover design?
I get someone else to do it. I can’t even make my stick figures symmetrical.
What are your five favorite books, and why?

How to Win Friends and Influence People – How I got my wife to read my book

The Art of the Deal – Pure comedy. One of the funniest books ever written.

The Achievements of Kim Kardashian – Available in pamphlet form

The Mueller Report – I once had insomnia. No more.

Grease – Not the movie, just a Jewish cookbook.

What do you read for pleasure?
The television guide.
What was your greatest achievement?
I once got the lead part in my school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to perform it. I got injured during rehearsals. I fell off the roof.
spotlight
Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Teaching With Your Heart … and Small Intestine

December 26, 2019

 

I’ve heard of going the extra mile to keep your students engaged, but this takes the cake. And for what it’s worth, cake is the reason I won’t be trying this lesson any time soon:

 

A teacher in Spain is baring it all for education.

Veronica Duque, 43, has been teaching for 15 years and currently instructs a class of eight-year-old students in various subjects, including science, social studies, art, English and Spanish. But when she decided it was time to liven up her standard anatomy lesson, she went swimsuit shopping.

“I was surfing the internet when an ad of an AliExpress swimsuit popped up,” Ms Duque told Bored Panda. “Knowing how hard it is for kids this young to visualise the disposition of internal organs, I thought it was worth giving it a try.”

Rather than expose her outer body in a bikini, she wore another type of revealing swimsuit – a full-body wetsuit printed head-to-toe with a diagram of the human anatomy.

Her husband tagged along for a lesson, snapping a few photos of his wife’s “naked” bod in actionand sharing on Twitter.

His post quickly went viral with more than 65,300 likes and 13,000 retweets.

 

I think I’ll stick to the traditional overhead projector slides. As much as I like engaging my students, I like keeping my job more.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Why Time Magazine Might Have Got it Wrong

December 13, 2019

 

I have some points to make about the decision to award Greta Thunberg as Time Person of the Year.

 

  1. I think it’s fantastic that a teenager won this prestigious award. It is vital that our youth have role models. There are too many teenagers who are totally unaware of the world around them and have few insights on big-picture issues. I hope Greta’s recognition makes it cool for young people to engage socially and politically.
  2. The slurs against Greta from Donald Trump and haters on social media is absolutely out of line. She is a teenager, and even though she has chosen to become a public face and celebrity figure, we should never, ever forget that she is a minor. Picking on kids is not acceptable.
  3. This doesn’t mean that her style of messaging can’t be criticised. I have long wondered whether scaring young children on climate change is the right approach. Already there have been reports in psychological journals detailing how the doom and gloom style of messaging is causing anxiety and depression in our young children.
  4. My main issue with Greta receiving the award is that, from what I’m told, she does not attend school. This troubles me. I must make it clear. I am not judging Greta personally for not attending school. I am not completely aware of her own personal circumstances, so it would be inappropriate for me to pass judgement. However, widely speaking, I am not in favour of giving prestigious awards to kids that don’t go to school.

In fact, I think the pro-education message is much stronger than the pro-climate message. The more we tackle school refusal and truancy the more likely we will be able to foster generations of kids who will have the tools to speak up about the climate and any other major issue affecting our world.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Teachers and the Christmas Bonus

December 11, 2019

 

We are obviously in the wrong profession.

How great would it be if scenes like this in Baltimore was replicated for teachers and nurses?

 

St. John Properties, a Baltimore-based commercial real estate property management and development company, provided a $10 million bonus for its 198 employees to split at its annual holiday party on Dec. 7.

“The [bonus] distribution was based solely on years of service. It had nothing to do with a person’s position in the company,” Larry Maykrantz, president of St. John Properties, told Yahoo Finance in a phone interview. “We spent a little bit of time discussing it and believe me, once we made that decision, we realized that was the only fair and equitable way of handling this.”

Individual employee bonuses ranged from $100 to $270,000, according to the company’s LinkedIn post. On average, each employee received about $50,000.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

Discussing the New Zealand Volcano Tragedy with Children

December 11, 2019

How on earth do you explain the tragedy that took place in Paris to young children?

Below are some tips by experts in the field that can be used to assist in facilitating discussions about the recent New Zealand volcano tragedy:

 

Watch for Trauma: “Young children may have difficulties identifying and expressing feelings. Parents should pay attention to the children’s play (for instance, preoccupation with certain aggressive electronic games, drawings, repetitive play that imitates the traumatic event or events). Another sign of trauma is avoidance of reminders.” — Dr. Aurelia Bizamcer, Medical Director, Outpatient Psychiatry at Temple University Hospital

Keep Answers Truthful but Simple: “We’re not holding back, but we’re not giving more because the giving more could have the risk of alarming the child. … As a parent you have an obligation to protect a young child from being overwhelmed.” –Alan Kazdin, Professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry at Yale University; Director of the Yale Parenting Center.

Reassure Them: “We need to appreciate that kids have different fears. Many will worry about the movies, but others will worry about such events spilling over to other areas, such as the mall, school, the neighborhood. For kids of all ages, it is really important to let them know that these kinds of events are incredibly rare. ” –Dr. Gene Beresin, Director of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Residency Training, Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Hospital

Keep Answers Age-Appropriate: “Parents should be sure to pitch the discussion to their kids’ developmental level. For a 6-year-old, it’s completely appropriate to reassure them of their safety, with some emphasis on the fact that this person is no longer at large. For kids over the age of 8, more concrete details are appropriate, along with, perhaps, a general discussion of how to be safe in public — locating exit doors for instance, and getting to safety in the event of any dangerous occurrence.” –Jay Reeve,President and Chief Executive Officer, Apalachee Center

Don’t Make Assumptions: “Don’t project your own feelings, fears and anxiety on kids because you know you don’t really know exactly what your kids are feeling until you talk to them.” –Dr. Jane Taylor, psychiatrist

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

It Must Have Been Love, But It’s Over Now

December 11, 2019

 

To say I didn’t have the best school experience is a pretty big understatement. It’s not much fun to be a creative type in a very conservative school.

That’s why I’m indebted to the films and music that helped elevate my surrounds and provided me with the strength to keep going. Roxette was a breath of fresh air. They were cool enough to be considered cool, even though they were especially attractive to dags like myself. Below, I have attached one of their most underrated and rousing songs.

I am so sorry to hear of the death of lead singer Marie Fredriksson, who passed at the young age of 61. An immensely talented musician and a mother of two children, she will be greatly missed.

Thank you for helping me overcome challenges. Rest in peace.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.

The Harmful Effects of Constantly Changing a Teacher’s Year Level

December 9, 2019

 

There is a rather ludicrous tendency to have teachers switch classes on a regular basis. They may be a 4th Grade teacher one year and a 1st Grade teacher the next.

The reasoning goes something like this. A teacher that constantly moves doesn’t get too comfortable in a year level, Being too comfortable, the argument goes, can lead a teacher to revert to lazy practices and repeat old, tired lessons from yesteryear.

But I would argue the teacher merry-go-round has a harmful element. It prevents teachers from mastering a given year level and stops them from building on their previous year’s work and learning from mistakes made in the past.

The curriculum is too dense and the expectations of teachers are too high to treat the end of year shuffle like a game.

Yes, you don’t want your teachers to revert to laziness, but even more so, you want them to excel.

 

Michael Grossman is the author of the hilarious new children’s book, My Favourite Comedian. You can download a free ebook copy by clicking here or buy a copy by clicking on this link.