Archive for the ‘Bullying’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Who is the Real Bully, Daphne Melin?

September 15, 2011

I can understand how a parent can feel frustrated and powerless when they find that their child is bullied at school.  I am not surprised to hear that many schools are slow to act on bullying (if at all).  Schools should not hide behind draconian policies and soft and ineffective consequences and should start taking real affirmative action with bullying behaviour.

But it is not the place for a parent to confront the bully, instruct their child to beat up the bully and most of all it is not a parents place to strike their child’s bullies.  Daphne Melin might have tried to help her daughter ward off bullies, but in doing so she exposed herself as the real bully in this sad and sorry episode:

Cell phone cameras recorded Daphne Melin egging on her 12-year-old daughter, as she fought with another girl.

And then, the 32-year-old mother lashed out at a third preteen, grabbing her by the hair and kneeing her at least twice in the face.

“I don’t encourage fighting, I think it’s the wrong thing to do,” Melin told Eyewitness News on Tuesday night.

She blamed the William Floyd School District, insisting her daughter had been the victim of bullying and threats of physical violence online, actions she claims administrators did nothing to stop.

So at her wits end, Melin’s lawyer Michael Brown says she drove her daughter to the schoolyard to confront her tormenters.

“You get very frustrated with a couple of things. The lack of response by the authorities coupled with the fact that your daughter, who is an innocent person, is being continuously harassed,” she said.

Whilst I feel that this should be a lesson to all schools that are not doing enough to address their bullying problems, the biggest lessons of all are reserved for parents.  Not even the frustration of an inactive and non-compliant school warrants such behaviour.  Ms. Melin should have known better.  Her conduct, especially in relation to a concerned bystander was just appalling.

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying, Parenting | 4 Comments »

Kids Fight Back Against Bullying

September 10, 2011

I just watched an absolutely incredible movie featuring 4th and 5th Grade students about dealing with bullies and bullying.  As the intro to the movie explains:

The following movie was developed with a cast and crew of only 4th and 5th Graders (and one 1st Grader) from Glendaal Elementery School.  They worked during recess, lunch, before and after school for 3 months.  They hope it helps shed some light on the issues of bullying, and helps anyone who might be experiencing the effects of bullying.

As someone who is currently preparing to make a movie with my Grade 5’s, I was blown away by this technical and artistic achievement.  The kids act beautifully, the direction is solid and the script is very effective.  I hope this garners worldwide attention and gets used in classrooms all around the world.  These kids have done more for bullying awareness than any anti-bullying program I know of.

Please show this video to your kids/class and let them enjoy the message.  You may want to use it to inspire your class to make a powerful film of their own.

Enjoy!

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | 7 Comments »

8 Strategies for Standing Up to Bullies

August 28, 2011

I stumbled on a very useful article by Amy Kuras, giving advice for standing up to bullies.  I hope you find these suggestions very useful.

DO victim-proof your child. Kids who are different in some way tend to be targets, whether they have trouble learning, look goofy, or even are seen as being “stuck up.” It’s a fine line to walk between not stifling their individuality and making them feel like there’s something wrong with them. Help them develop social skills and enough confidence to deflect the bullies. If your child has a learning problem, enlist the school to help you help him. A counselor can teach better social skills. And if your child is kind of funny-looking, remember that everyone spends part of childhood in an “awkward phase.” Remind your kids of this if anyone picks on them for their appearance — and don’t forget to say you think they are perfect-looking the way they are!

DON’T mistake normal ebbs and flows of friendship for bullying. Bullying is behavior that is intentional, repetitive, hurtful, and comes from an imbalance of power between two kids or groups of kids. Someone not inviting your child to a birthday party isn’t necessarily bullying; someone announcing to the whole class who they invited and didn’t invite may be.

DO teach them assertive behavior. Teach your child how to take calming breaths, look the bully in the eye, say, “Stop doing that,” and walk away — or maybe they can turn it around on the bully and laugh, as if their behavior is just too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Bullies expect their victims to just roll over and take it; most won’t keep it going if they face resistance.

DON’T tell them to fight back. This is likely to backfire on your child in a big way … a classic bully move is to goad someone until they lash out, at which point the bully goes running to the nearest authority figure and plays the wounded party. As satisfying as it would be to punch that mean kid right in the nose, it’s just going to make things worse and will bring your child down to the bully’s level. And, um, this goes for you too, Mom.

DO encourage them to seek help from others. Make sure they know you’re proud of them for telling you about it. It takes a lot of courage for a kid to admit he’s being victimized. Talk to the teacher, the principal, and/or a school counselor. Most have finally gotten the message to take bullying seriously. It might also help your child to “buddy up” with a friend in the hall, the lunchroom, or the bus; if the bullying has isolated them to the point that they are socially radioactive with their peers, ask an older kid not involved in the drama to keep an eye on them. And stay on school administrators if you’re not getting satisfying results.

DON’T tell them to just ignore it. Saying this is like saying to them that you plan to ignore it too. And if your child could ignore the bullies, he would. Bullies want a reaction and will escalate their behavior until they get it.

DO talk to your child about bullying before it starts. Even if your kid never is victimized and never picks on someone, the bystander has an important role to play by letting the bully know that behavior is not okay. Encourage your child to stand up to bullies, even if he doesn’t like the kid being victimized. After all, bullies make life harder for everyone.

Most importantly, DO make sure your home is a place where your children can feel loved and accepted for who they are. Encourage them to pursue their passions through after-school activities that can help them meet more like-minded kids, boost their self-esteem, and gain confidence. That’s the best way to stop your kid turning into a bully’s OR victim.

Click on the link to read my post about the mistreatment of a girl who stood up to bullies.

Tags:, , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | 4 Comments »

Bullying Parents Should be Severely Punished

August 16, 2011

I don’t understand why parents can’t be subject to the kinds of consequences their children are for bullying and harassment.  Parents who set up internet groups and Facebook pages to spread untruths about their childs’ teacher should be punished for their actions.  Anything from a warning to in the most serious offences expulsion of their child from school is appropriate.

Some may think this is a bit harsh and that children should not be penalised for the deeds of their parents, but bullying is a very serious offence and schools that take it seriously reap the rewards by maintaining a safe environment.  Schools are too dismissive of parents who bully teachers.  Teachers often feel marginalised and lacking of support.  The statement that bullying of any kind will result in strong penalties is essential to delivering the best outcomes from an academic and social standpoint.

Bullying like this should not be tolerated:

Teachers are the latest group found to be at risk of cyber-bullying, according to a recent report.

The study by Professor Andy Phippen found several instances where teachers had been targeted for abuse by social media users on websites such as Facebook and Twitter.

One head teacher interviewed for the study said she had a breakdown and was left feeling suicidal.

The headteacher suffered a year of abuse by a parent at her school who used a Google group to post libellous untruths about her and her school. “I eventually had a mini breakdown in the summer holiday, needing an emergency doctor to be called out as I had become suicidal,” she told researchers.

The message should ring loud and clear – Either play by our rules or find somewhere else to send your kids!

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying, Cyber Bullying, Teacher Welfare | 1 Comment »

900 British Students Suspended Per Day

July 29, 2011

It seems student violence is a major issue in Britain.  Reading that 900 students are suspended each day for physical and verbal violence towards teachers and classmates, indicates to me schools in Britain are at crisis point.  It seems that whatever they are doing clearly isn’t working:

Bad behaviour is blighting Britain’s schools with almost 900 children suspended every day for attacking or verbally abusing their teachers and classmates, new figures show.

Every school day 13 pupils are permanently expelled for attacks and abuse and 878 are suspended in England’s primary and secondary schools.

The figures, from the Department for Education, include physical assaults, racist abuse and threatening behaviour.

In total, they show school children were suspended on 166,900 occasions for assault or abuse.

And pupils were expelled on 2,460 occasions.

And the level of violence in primary schools was also high with children aged four and under suspended 1,210 times and expelled 20 times.

Across all of England’s primary, secondary and special schools, boys were around four times more likely to be expelled than girls, with boys accounting for 78 per cent of expulsions

Tags:, , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | 4 Comments »

Some Principals Seem to Be Ignorant About Bullying

July 11, 2011

Pricipals are concerned that parents use the “bully” label too quickly, without properly understanding what a “bully” is.  They believe that parents often get “bratty” behaviours mixed up with bullying ones.

BRATTY students are being unfairly branded bullies by parents and teachers who do not know the meaning of the word, according to a Victorian educator.

Peter Hockey, head of Beaconhills College junior school, said the word “bully” was overused and victims of schoolyard nastiness should harden up.

“Rather than just say, ‘Well that person is a bully and that person is a victim’, we need to empower children to stand up and confront these people who are being nasty,” Mr Hockey said.

“I don’t like to say ‘toughen up’, but they need to be taught to argue back or stand up for what they believe is right, explain themselves more fully or use humour or whatever other skills they have.”

Sure, resilience is a valuable skill and one worth advocating, but Mr. Hockey’s approach sounds defeatist to me.  Harassed students shouldn’t need to stand up for themselves, they should have support from teachers and school administrators (including Principals).  Students will naturally “toughen up” when they have the support of others.  When they’re left on their own, they often fail to properly assert themselves.

 

The veteran educator said the correct definition of a bully was “a person who is habitually cruel to others who are weaker”.

Mr Hockey said he had only encountered a handful of bullies in his 36 years of teaching.

“I have taught many children who have been nasty to others, but these children are not bullies,” Mr Hockey said.

“They are very often simply being nasty because they have been hurt by a situation, or they are being selfish or are responding to an earlier problem.”

He said most “nasty” children could be taught to be nice, while bullies were born bad.

That’s just nonsense Mr. Hockey.  “Born bad”?  Bullies don’t need to be born bad, they just need to harass, torment or seek to undermine others.

 

“To label a child a bully who has made the mistake of being nasty is wrong,” Mr Hockey said.

“Nasty and naughty behaviour is fixable and we must educate all not to engage in this sort of behaviour.”

Are you saying that “bullies” are not “fixable”?

 

At the end of the day, these labels are irrelevant.  What really matters is that those students who are negatively affected by others are given the support they need and those that recklessly hurt others get the consequences they deserve.

 

Tags:, , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | Leave a Comment »

Middle Children More Likely to Become Bullies

June 28, 2011

A recent study has explored the so-called “Middle Child Syndrome”, and came to the conclusion that being a middle child increases your likelihood of becoming a bully.

CHILDREN with both older and younger siblings have a higher chance of becoming bullies, according to research.

The Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex and the University of Warwick conducted the study covering some 40,000 British households.

It was traditionally assumed that the oldest child is likely to dominate or use violence against his or her siblings. However, it turned out that those in between had a higher chance of being involved in physical conflict while striving for parents’ attention, as well as competing for power among siblings.

The study also showed that children who received corporal punishment are more likely to bully siblings or their peers. Of the about 2,000 children researched, about 42 per cent of those who experienced physical punishment resorted to bullying.

‘We know from experience that sibling bullying increases the risk of involvement in bullying at school,’ Professor Dieter Wolke, the co-author of the study told a local media.

‘Children involved in bullying are 14 times more likely to suffer behavioural and emotional problems; they have no place that is safe for them.’ It is known that the manner of bullying at home showed no relationship to the education or economic level of households.

I am surprised by the findings.  I can see how being the oldest or youngest child can draw one into bullying habits, but I am surprised that it is the middle child who is most likely to become a bully.

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying, Corporal Punishment | 1 Comment »

The Disappointing Response to the Schoolgirl Fight Saga

June 22, 2011

Yesterday, Australians were horrified when footage surfaced of a fight between Melbourne schoolgirls.  The clip was a reminder at just how ugly bullying can be, from the violent actions of the perpetrators to the feeble and gutless innaction of the bystanders.

To watch the clip please follow this link.

To add salt to the wounds, the response by professionals, ministers and educators have been extremely disappointing.  Take this uninspiring comment from State Education Minister, Martin Dixon:

He said the department also has a zero-tolerance approach to bullying.

All schools are required to have anti-bullying and cyber bullying policies in place that students are made aware of and expected to adhere to.

This extends to appropriate mobile phone use, he said.

Government ministers often coin the expression “zero-tolerance” because it sounds good.  But what does it really mean?  I looked up the department’s so-called “zero tolerance” approach on their website.  This is what it said:

All Victorian government schools are required to include anti-bullying strategies in their Student Engagement Policy (or their Student Code of Conduct).

Schools have a duty of care to take reasonable measures to prevent foreseeable risks of injury to their students.

Does that sound like “zero-tolerance” to you?

And the standard line of schools requiring anti-bullying policies is predictable, but ultimately, it’s just pure spin.  An anti-bullying policy, as I’ve argued here countless times, is just a piece of paper designed to ward off lawsuits.  It’s to show that schools have a plan.  The plan is usually quite vague, so as to avoid instances where they might be caught out not following their plan.  It is also useless in cases where teachers and principals are unaware that bullying is taking place.  Recent incidents have shown how blind schools have been to the bullying that pervades within its walls.

And if that’s not bad enough, psychologists and the media have decided to blame Facebook for this incident. But Facebook doesn’t pull a girls hair or drag them on the ground.  Bullies create bullying behaviours, not social media.  The medium is not the real issue here.  The real issue is that bullying exists, it is absolutely unnaceptable and must be seriously dealt with.  Not by programs or policies, but by a change of mindset and culture.

The very worst response we could have garnered from this awful exhibition of bullying is, “Oh, that’s just because of Facebook.”, or “That’s as a result of an ineffective anti-bullying policy.”

How many more incidents do we need to watch before we dispense with the spin and blame game and start to see this for what it is – a complex and delicate problem that requires much more attention.

 

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | Leave a Comment »

Sickening Schoolgirl Fight Caught on Video

June 22, 2011


A terrible fight which erupted between two schoolgirls was caught on camera.  The video headlined tonight’s Channel 9 news broadcast and shows gutless bystanders just watching passively.

To watch this video follow this link.

Unfortunately we are in the age of simplistic answers to major problems.  In this case, it is not a culture of bullying that is blamed, but instead, Facebook:

BULLYING on Facebook has been blamed for a violent confrontation between two Melbourne schoolgirls caught on film by classmates unwilling to intervene.

A 14-year-old, who has remained anonymous, has told Channel 9 she was too afraid to go to school after repeated attacks by a 16-year-old girl from another school.

In the footage, recorded in February, the victim can be seen being dragged by her hair while she refuses to fight. She is then kicked in the head.

Students can be seen doing nothing to help her.

The older girl can be heard taunting her younger victim. When the victim goes to ground, the older girl says: “Just get up.”

The victim was dazed and coughing up blood.

The girl and her mother spoke out after five similar incidents in six months. The girl was terrified and unwilling to go to school or leave her family home in southeast Melbourne.

“When I leave school, if my bus isn’t there then I get petrified because my school is 30 seconds away from the station and she’s always there,” the girl said.

But she isn’t willing to give up hope that life will return to normal.

“Look, there’s always someone out there that loves you – you don’t have to feel like it’s just you – that’s how I felt for a long, long, long time,” she said.

The online jibes began in January, when it is alleged the bully posted insults on her Facebook page.

It escalated to the point where the girl claims bottles were thrown at her and threats were made towards her family.

The police became involved on Monday, but the mother of the alleged bully said there was more to the story. She blamed Facebook culture for an outbreak in bullying.

State Education Minister Martin Dixon said the department would be told to act once the police finished its inquiry.

“I was deeply appalled. … The type of behaviour shown should in no way be tolerated,” he said.

He said the department also has a zero-tolerance approach to bullying.

All schools are required to have anti-bullying and cyber bullying policies in place that students are made aware of and expected to adhere to.

This extends to appropriate mobile phone use, he said.

Facebook doesn’t create bullying incidents, bullies create bullying incidents.  This footage is horrible and the very worst conclusion we can reach is to shift the blame from bullies and passive bystanders to Facebook.  It’s almost as if people expect that if you take Facebook away bullies will stop bullying and start becoming friendly.  Hmmm …

Tags:, , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | Leave a Comment »

Tackling Bullying Shouldn’t Lead to Stupidity

June 14, 2011

The purpose of clamping down on bullying is to allow all students the right to feel safe and secure in their school environment.  But steps taken to negate bullying shouldn’t need to be radical or expensive.  For example, the rule that students should not socialise in groups larger than 3 may be well-intentioned, but in reality it reinforces what a sad and sorry place a badly run school can be.

That’s why I am saddened to hear of the latest over the top anti-bullying measure – Unisex toilets!

Tasmania’s Education Department is calling for calm over unisex toilets in some new primary schools.

The individual, self-contained toilets have been installed at two Burnie schools in efforts to reduce bullying in toilet blocks.

Parents have raised concerns about the shared toilets, and say they weren’t consulted.

It baffles me that this idea has received so much attention.  The idea may make the toilets a less attractive meeting place for bullies, but it won’t make bullying less attractive.  Tackling bullying isn’t about toilets it’s about the culture of the school.  Instead of designing toilet blocks to tackle bullying, how about keeping the message simple and clear?

1.  Our school does not tolerate bullying of any kind.

2.  Consequences will be metered out to those found bullying as well as any passive bystanders who could have alerted a teacher or diffused the situation.

3.  We will fight for the rights of all our students, and do our best to ensure that our children leave school with their self-esteems’ elevated rather than diminished.

Is that so hard?

Tags:, , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »