Topical Teaching

Interesting list written by Kim Haskins:

Do show respect for your teenager: Show it and you’ll receive it in return. For example, respect their privacy by expressing an interest in their personal lives without trying to log into their Facebook account. Also, let them know that their opinions and feelings matter to you, and be constructive in your explanation if you don’t agree with them (‘Just because’ just won’t do). Overall, be positive, not punitive: admit and apologise when you’ve been in the wrong, and praise them when they’ve done something good. A little humility goes a long way.

Do listen: ‘Nobody understands me’ may be the familiar adage of adolescence, but we can empathise by both taking the time to listen and remember what it was like for us as teenagers. Listening (while resisting the urge to interrupt) not only shows you care but also develops a sense of mutual trust. What’s more, it will help you to gain a better understanding of certain situations without jumping to conclusions.

Do let them know you’re there: You know you’ll be there for them no matter what, but do they? Create an open environment wherein all family members can feel free to discuss what’s on their mind without fear of being judged. We can’t guide our children through all aspects of life, but we can be on-call for support. Let your teen learn from their own mistakes and make sure you’re there to talk about whatever’s gone wrong when they’re ready.

Do keep calm and consistent: Teenagers’ behaviour can be notoriously bad-tempered and unpredictable, but the last thing to help is you fanning the flames with similar behaviour. However frustrating it seems, it’s worth biting your tongue when things get heated. Keeping calm will help them to do the same and eventually encourage more open and level-headed communication. If you do say anything in anger to them, take steps to clear the storm by apologising and explaining why you were upset.

Do have fun together: Time-wise, we’re talking about quality over quantity. Even if other commitments only leave you with the odd half an hour here and there, then so be it — just make the most of what you’ve got. It can be as simple as going out for a meal or watching a film together. Ask them what they’d like to do and, importantly, make sure you enjoy it too.

Don’t nag: In a recent survey*, around half the number of teenagers questioned advised parents not to nag their teens. It can be tempting to nag, especially when we feel frustrated. However, the bottom line is that at whatever age we all resent a nagger. Avoid focusing on the bad stuff and try to use more positive language to offer encouragement instead. So, rather than moaning at them to stop watching TV and do their homework, change tack and suggest recording programmes so they can be watched after an hour’s worth of studying. And perhaps bring them a cuppa and a biscuit to help them along. A bit of friendly bribery might just do the trick!

Don’t try to change them: Your teenager is a unique individual at an advanced stage of personal development. It can be a confusing enough period of self-discovery without having parents trying to push you into corners where you just don’t fit. Accept your teen as they are, and celebrate their personalities and interests rather than overlooking or being ashamed of them.

Don’t take things personally: Teens tend to say things in the heat of the moment. At a time when their hormones are running riot, it’s easy for a normal conversation to flare up over something that might seem trivial to you. In many ways, teens have to blow a fuse a few times to learn how to control their feelings and express themselves more constructively. So stay calm at all times and lead by example.

Don’t shout: Your voice may be louder, but this doesn’t mean they will listen to you any better or indeed respect you any more. Any show of aggression is likely to be counter-productive; it can push them away further or even make them display aggressive behaviour themselves.

Don’t preach: You might have the wisdom of age and experience, but don’t forget that an essential process along the journey to adulthood is choosing your own paths and learning to overcome mistakes. Be there to guide them through any difficult life choices, but resist any assumption that you ‘know best’. In particular, avoid using patronising language, such as saying anything along the lines of ‘When I was your age…’ If you do this you’ll sound like an annoying old fart; in which case, how will your advice sound relevant to them?

Click on the link to read my post, ’10 Things Parents Don’t Understand About Their Teenage Children’.