Parents do not need to become more selfish. If anything, the opposite it true.
Parents should not be criticised for the time they invest into their children’s wellbeing. That is time well spent. Parents who devote extra time to ensuring that they are spending quality time with their kids, have an understanding of the specific personality that their child possesses and makes adjustments to their parenting to suit the child in question is bound to be rewarded.
Counsellor Jenny Brown seems to disagree:
The Growing Yourself Up author says parents need to stop obsessing about their children and start focusing on themselves – for their own and their child’s sakes.
“The key to being a grown-up parent is to take away your focus on making your child’s happiness a project, and putting the focus back on being a clear-minded, principled adult,” Brown says.
“It’s when the parent takes time to clarify their principles, think about their job description, think about what they’re in control of and what they can’t control in their child.”
The Family Systems Institute director says focusing on yourself is the best way to ensure your child grows up happy and self-reliant.
“It’s definitely not selfish. It takes a lot of thoughtful effort to be a strong, loving presence for a child,” she says.
I don’t disagree with the notion that parents also need to look after themselves. Likewise, I agree that the time spent with their kids needs to be ‘quality time’, not ‘babying’ time. Parents shouldn’t be doing their children’s homework and they should attempt to help their children grow to become independent.
I just don’t believe that selflessness is a problem affecting the broader parenting community.
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