Posts Tagged ‘Book’

The Kids Who Bullied Their School Bus Monitor Shouldn’t be Punished: Nelson

June 22, 2012

Excuses, excuses, excuses. Young bullies may be acting out due to their own “need for a sense of significance and belonging“, but they have to accept responsibility for their actions. The children who bullied their school bus monitor acted completely inappropriately and deserve far more than “positive discipline”:

The New York middle school students caught on video taunting and mocking a 68-year-old school bus monitor don’t deserve to be punished, says parenting expert Jane Nelson.

Everyone else in America might be calling for harsh, swift justice to be meted out by both the Greece Central School District and the parents of the kids involved. But not Nelson.

Co-author of two dozen parenting books including the “Positive Discipline” series, Nelson says the traditional means of punishment — yelling, shaming, hitting, grounding, etc. — are counterproductive.

“I think to go after these kids in a punitive way, it just doesn’t help,” she said. Nelson knows that the vast majority of parents will scoff both at that notion — and at her belief that the young bullies are merely acting out due to their own “need for a sense of significance and belonging.”

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying, Child Development | 3 Comments »

Video of a Bus Monitor Being Bullied by Middle School Children Goes Viral

June 22, 2012

I’m sick of reading excuses for why a bus full of middle school children acted in a most deplorable way to their bus monitor. There are no excuses for such vile behavior. I don’t care what age you are, you have a responsibility to be a good citizen and decent person. It sickens me to see a pack bullying situation where a soft target is exposed and then tormented without any resistance whatsoever.

Explanations like this are both unhelpful and insensitive to poor bus monitor, Karen Klein:

When kids reach middle school, bullying becomes more common and more sophisticated, experts says.

“Middle school-age kids are sort of an age group that is notorious for an uptick in the intensity of bullying,” said Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist in New York and TODAY contributor.

During the middle school years, kids are facing intense peer pressure, the pack mentality is strong and kids feel a growing sense of independence – all while their moral compasses are still developing, she said.

“It’s a time when they’re figuring out who they are by sometimes crossing the line and breaking the rules,” Saltz says. “Their insecurity drives a lot of cliquishness and defining themselves as better by making someone else feel worse.”

Don’t even try to excuse this behaviour in any way based on the age of the perpetrators. This is a culture problem. The parents of these children need to do as much soul-searching as the children themselves.

I am saddened to hear about the families of the students getting death threats. What kind of response is that? What is the sense in dealing with bullying by continuing the chain of bullying? This is isn’t even about a bus full of children. This has even wider implications.

Middle school children worldwide should be put on notice. No more excuses. I don’t care how old you are. It’s time to grow up and treat others with respect!

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bullying | 2 Comments »

Counsellor Calls for Parents to Become More Selfish

April 2, 2012

Parents do not need to become more selfish. If anything, the opposite it true.

Parents should not be criticised for the time they invest into their children’s wellbeing. That is time well spent. Parents who devote extra time to ensuring that they are spending quality time with their kids, have an understanding of the specific personality that their child possesses and makes adjustments to their parenting to suit the child in question is bound to be rewarded.

Counsellor Jenny Brown seems to disagree:

The Growing Yourself Up author says parents need to stop obsessing about their children and start focusing on themselves – for their own and their child’s sakes.

“The key to being a grown-up parent is to take away your focus on making your child’s happiness a project, and putting the focus back on being a clear-minded, principled adult,” Brown says.

“It’s when the parent takes time to clarify their principles, think about their job description, think about what they’re in control of and what they can’t control in their child.”

The Family Systems Institute director says focusing on yourself is the best way to ensure your child grows up happy and self-reliant.

“It’s definitely not selfish. It takes a lot of thoughtful effort to be a strong, loving presence for a child,” she says.

I don’t disagree with the notion that parents also need to look after themselves. Likewise, I agree that the time spent with their kids needs to be ‘quality time’, not ‘babying’ time. Parents shouldn’t be doing their children’s homework and they should attempt to help their children grow to become independent.

I just don’t believe that selflessness is a problem affecting the broader parenting community.

Tags:, , , , , , , ,
Posted in Parenting | 4 Comments »