Parents do not need to become more selfish. If anything, the opposite it true.
Parents should not be criticised for the time they invest into their children’s wellbeing. That is time well spent. Parents who devote extra time to ensuring that they are spending quality time with their kids, have an understanding of the specific personality that their child possesses and makes adjustments to their parenting to suit the child in question is bound to be rewarded.
Counsellor Jenny Brown seems to disagree:
The Growing Yourself Up author says parents need to stop obsessing about their children and start focusing on themselves – for their own and their child’s sakes.
“The key to being a grown-up parent is to take away your focus on making your child’s happiness a project, and putting the focus back on being a clear-minded, principled adult,” Brown says.
“It’s when the parent takes time to clarify their principles, think about their job description, think about what they’re in control of and what they can’t control in their child.”
The Family Systems Institute director says focusing on yourself is the best way to ensure your child grows up happy and self-reliant.
“It’s definitely not selfish. It takes a lot of thoughtful effort to be a strong, loving presence for a child,” she says.
I don’t disagree with the notion that parents also need to look after themselves. Likewise, I agree that the time spent with their kids needs to be ‘quality time’, not ‘babying’ time. Parents shouldn’t be doing their children’s homework and they should attempt to help their children grow to become independent.
I just don’t believe that selflessness is a problem affecting the broader parenting community.
Tags: Book, Books, Counsellor, Education, Growing Yourself Up, happiness, Jenny Brown, Parenting, The Family Systems Institute
Topical Teaching 
April 3, 2012 at 6:49 am |
I think the point being made is that parents need to consider their values. If they have a faulty life compass that doesn’t point to true north then how are they going to lead their children on the right path?
Selflessness is not a problem with parents. It’s often the opposite. If that’s what is modelled, that’s what will be copied.
On the other hand if a parent is focussed more on the happiness of the child and always bending over backwards to accommodate the child’s wishes, there comes a point where the children begin to think that others are there just to serve their needs.
If children don’t learn that others are not responsible for their happiness in life, they become selfish, lack initiative and are ultimately less happy and fulfilled.
Recently I have been having a facebook chat with some of the students I taught in a special class for students with intellectual disability and with one of their mothers. Every one of those children, now adults, is in paid employment. The mother of one of them is certain that it’s because of my teaching. Certainly the parenting was supportive. I wanted these kids to be able to do things for themselves and not be dependent on others. I taught Reading, Spelling, Maths, Social Skills, Science, all the usual subjects and there was a heavy emphasis on practical, hands on skills, as in Craft, Art, Woodwork, Cooking, Shopping, and outside activities like just kicking a ball around or playing rounders or some other game that required the exercise of social skills.
April 21, 2012 at 8:40 am |
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April 21, 2012 at 8:56 am |
I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. Thank you for writing!
http://studentsathome.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/versatile-blogger-award/
April 21, 2012 at 10:44 pm |
Thank you very much for the nomination. I really appreciate it!